I hope i don’t relapse into depression

Winning streak

I’ve not been like super depressed for almost 2 months now and it’s honestly great! Ever since December 1st of 2021 i’ve been on a winning streak when it comes to my mental health. It all started with a crush i developed and ever since then it’s like it jump started something in my brain that made me feel more happy than i’ve been in a long time!

I started picking up the pace on things i’ve been apathetic towards because of my heavy depression. I started song writing again, signed up for a new college course and i’m hunting for a new job aswell!

It feels like it’s starting to wear off

It’s all good and well that i found some lust for life again (was seriously contemplating some sh*t if you know what i mean). But it feels like my winning streak is starting to wear off…the crush i have is complicated (professional relationship).
There was flirting going back and forth (strong body language, flirty compliments etc)…3 weeks ago i told her i liked her and would like to grab a bite to eat and she was upfront with me about the rules regarding work relationships (she is a social worker and i’m a client). Me trying to be as understanding as i can responded with ”yeah the rules are so strict…but perhaps maybe my question was inappropriate *blushy face*”. She quickly responded saying ”no i like you too and perhaps we can eat dinner at work instead of outside of work”. Maybe i’m crazy but the whole crush situation somehow feels unresolved…if it could somehow work out that’d be great, but it’s hard to imagine at this point, since it hasn’t gone anywhere ”up” for the past 3 weeks.

Today my mothers boyfriend was diagnosed with non-malignant prostate cancer and it really shook me. He already lost his father and now he has to deal with health issues ontop of that! The doctors said he is in a really early stage (which is fortunate i guess) and so they have given him medication that can slow down the growth of the non-malignant cancer within his prostate. He can’t go to work as of now and has trouble peeing. He has been using a catheter to pee in for the past 1,5 weeks (which is not pleasant to say the least). My mother has been dating him for 2 years now and he has already made her the happiest she has ever been and it would break my heart to see him become sick and potentionally lose his life to this horrible disease (god forbid! i already lost 2 grandmothers last year)…i’m really worried about him 

I know life has ups and downs kind of like a rollercoaster, but heck this rollercoaster drop is really steep!