“just kill yourself”

I want us to work but I can’t see it…

Everything about me is problem causing. Every second you have to be watching out for me. I thought maybe I’d do some reading on being in a relationship with someone like me but…. Everything I read, even helpful information, makes me feel worse. Borderline sucks, they might as well just call it the “get it over with” disorder.

The highest rates of hospitalization, self harm and suicide. A stigma so bad the world hates us. Constant physical emotional pain.

The amount of work I’d be can’t be worth it. At any second I can crash. Becoming nothing more then tears, anger and pain.

Doing something that doesn’t involve me or even worse, someone else. You’re not “allowed”. I always want to know, I always need to be involved.

You’re going to feel like you can’t speak. The smallest thing that even seems like it might be against me, will not be taken lightly. “no, I don’t want to do that right now” is just “no, I don’t want to do that”.

Even unspoken words can have me withdrawing from you. Like earlier when we were talking about your computer. I had this cute custom idea I thought you’d like. You didn’t say anything. I messaged about half an hour later about something else “I’m not busy”. Then why didn’t you respond? You hate it. You hate me and all my stupid shit. I should just shut up and forget everything.

Killing myself would just be easier for everyone…..