how are things, really? Who among us is bold enough to claim to know? Who is so well informed as to know?
Things look pretty bad from over here, for most of the species. All my life I’ve been told that thinking that makes me depressed, having an altered perception. Now what? When the delusion becomes reality, what for the insane to do?
Sanity is on strike, that’s how bad things are. All the kind, loving and generous people have been burnt up, or burnt out.
I feel like I know where I’m going, but I don’t know how to start. Who can help me start? Who can teach me to start?
My self, as a thing, should be crushed beyond recovery after what I’ve been through. Yet like a whisper, I can hear it deep in the background of my mind. Screaming, eloquent awful screaming. in multiple languages. That’s the worry here on the firewall between my rationality and emotionality. We can’t contain that forever. I can’t any way, and have seen little enough sign of such capability outside of myself.
Sometimes I imagine myself, atop a horse, leading the charge. That terrifying vision, I don’t want it. Yet, it seems sometimes that it will be that or death. Many days, I don’t even know which is worse; to live with the guilt, or to die before my time.
Finally I comfort myself; this is only something I can verify within my soul. All external to it may be free of this infection. If that is the case, I suggest we get more effective at killing me, because I feel a fever coming on, and others appear indifference to the spread.