Unraveling and Re-raveling N

I can feel myself unraveling. Again and again. It’s always a sequence of unraveling, getting up, and re-raveling yourself. Over and over and over again. I don’t think I’m going to graduate. I don’t think I deserve to graduate. I don’t know what I am supposed to be. I have no passion or desire. All I do as sit down and complain. I think that’s why I try so hard to get close to her. To try and derive happiness from someone else instead of myself. That’s not how that’s supposed to work. I often refer to myself as a gear. Or a tool. And my only worth is derived by how efficient I am. When I do not function, I am not worth anything. I think I’m just broken. Not worth anything.