At this point it’s kind of annoying of me to come here over and over and still haven’t died. I’m tired of being an inconsiderate asshole when my suicidality comes knocking and being useless in the process too.
My partner said nobody would stand being with me and I kinda dont care. If I’m single it’d be easier for me to die. I don’t have her to think about anymore. I don’t have to care for her. I can be as selfish as I could by just killing myself and leaving the mess to somebody else to fix.
I can’t fix this relationship. I can’t fix me. Or her. Even if I have our happiest moments, they are not enough to hold me back. Knowing my dumbass self though, I’m just too cowardly to die.
I really. Really want to just leave this world. If the next world is worst then so be it. It’s already pitiful that in my relatively easy life I can’t figure out anything. Or my purpose. I think dying is just right.