claustrophobia?

life feel claustrophobic. i feel like i can’t change anything significant and even though i’m a nice person and i try to help people a lot especially at my work i feel like i’m constantly being put down by life itself. the other week for my bfs birthday we wanted to go to amsterdam, first holiday together, ended up getting cancelled 3 times and loosing £700 YAY! it’s just little and big things like this that happen constantly that just make me feel sick to my stomach that no matter what i do, how hard i try, how much effort i put in, i will never ever get it back from the god/spiritual being whatever who put me here. i can’t kill myself, but i can’t keep this up. they feel like massive blows every time and i feel myself becoming more and more bitter. more angry and it affects other people when i lash out, specifically my bf who is the only constant contact i have. i just don’t get why i’m not lucky, why i don’t have friends even though i try and make them and meet up with them. it’s just claustrophobia like life is closing in on me . anyway this is probably gonna get deleted like my other emo posts on here