On the one hand:
I want to get better. I hate these cravings and thoughts that control me. I want to be my own person not a bunch of disorders (please don’t tell me I’m not, that shows a lack of understanding in my case). I want to live a happy life with my straight SO (straight as in he doesn’t drink or do drugs or anything)
On the other hand:
I hate this. The cravings that can be so easily satisfied and gone. The thoughts I can drown in. Idc idc idc I just want to drown. I just want to be hurt and used. I want to throw anything at it that will alter my state of mind. I don’t want this life.
I have to choose between life and death…… I want my SO so bad, but it’s difficult when I’m being pulled down.
8 comments
Slapped or psychologically tarnished?
Two different types of pain… some are more addicted to psychological pain…
Don’t give in to those cravings… you’re strong for being able to say “I can’t give in to those things.”
I hate the feeling. I twitch, violently, uncontrollably. I don’t like being drunk or high, but sober doesn’t feel any better for different reasons…
Thrill seeking’s my outlet. I shoot for huge rides like the thousand foot rollercoaster when I’m anxious. I get the wanting to be hurt thing but there are better ways to release those things.
That prolly doesn’t help… what do you do for distraction
Distraction? I don’t have one. Well except talking to my SO. He distracts me from everything and makes me happy.
But when he’s busy, not home, or I just don’t want to bother him, I don’t have anything….
Yeah, that type of dependence hurts… hugs sorry
Don’t hurt yourself hugs
Thousand foot slingshot ha sorry , like it matters right but still
That feeling… sometimes i want to ruin myself until i cant go back so i can convince myself to die easier…
Totally get it… Hugs