it’s hard to figure out how to start or end with this. i’ve lost my will about a hundred times already, yet i still find new lows to hit. i despise my job and can not find any real relief from working because i have second gig that i go to nearly every day, so I’m always getting home late. i’ve never been able to leave home before and am now stuck living at home to help take care of one family member while having to be around two others that i cannot stand. i can’t enjoy any movies, shows, and video games anymore. i hate looking at social media yet am still addicted to it. i’ve grown apart from all of my old friends years ago. no one contacts me unless they’re asking for money or a favor. no one seems to genuinely know what the hell I’m actually all about, so it’s hard to connect with others. i don’t have the drive to educate myself on topics that I’ve been interested in nor to keep at making art, which has been a hobby of mine that’s been at least some part of me, for years. my diet is shit, my body feels like shit, my mind feels like shit. i don’t know what to do. it’s hard to keep caring. everything surrounding me seems to be fraying at the seams and i wonder if i should go ahead and call it quits. I’m bored and sick of dealing with this and more. it’s so hard to not feel like I’m whining, but if that’s what this is, so be it. being tough has done nothing towards getting me to not feel like this.