At least for some of us. This thought occurred to me some time ago. I know all about abusive relationships, and after looking up some “signs” list from resources sites,, the parallels are quite pronounced, if you look at it a certain light…a great article on au.reachout.com puts it thus:
Things you might feel in an abusive relationship
‘My partner isn’t violent all the time – they love me’
Your violent partner may act lovingly towards you at other times and may truly feel sorry for their horrible behaviour. So it might be hard to stay angry and upset with them. However, there is quite a high chance that their violent behaviour will continue. Abusers can be incredibly charming people, especially if they’re trying to make you or others see them in a good light.
‘Things will get better – they didn’t mean to hurt me’
After a violent episode, it’s common for both you and your abuser to try and downplay what happened with excuses, apologies or promises to change. You may feel embarrassed or scared to acknowledge what actually happened. Things might settle down for a bit, but it’s often only a matter of time before abuse happens again. It’s very difficult to completely get rid of physical abuse in relationships, and any abusive behaviour, without professional help.
‘It’s so confusing – I’m sure it’s a one-off’
If you’re experiencing abuse, things can feel really confusing, especially if it’s your first relationship or if it is the first time your partner has shown abusive behaviour towards you. You might not be sure what to expect next. Abusers often try to influence your sense of what’s real, to make you feel confused or even that you’re going crazy. This is known as ‘gaslighting’. Statistically, though, if someone behaves violently once, they’re very likely to do it again.
‘Maybe it’s my fault’
You may begin to think that you’re to blame for your partner’s abusive behaviour. An abuser may excuse their behaviour by saying something like, ‘It wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t…’. The truth is that no matter what you do, another person’s abusive behaviour is never your fault.
‘I’m scared of what will happen if I leave them’
It’s not unusual to feel afraid of leaving the person who’s abusing you. You might feel unsafe, or scared of what the person might do to you or themselves. You might also feel that you aren’t capable of making it on your own. It’s important to remember that there are people who can help you every step of the way.
Just try subbing in “life”, “the world”, “existence”, or whatever equivalent concept and it’s hard to ignore the similarities. Funny how in this kind of situation, advice is to resoundingly seek the help you need to leave it, but with suicide, well…
2 comments
I’m not gonna lie, I find this morbidly hilarious. It’s funny how some things can look when you see them from the right angle. But the similarities are definitely there, a funny perspective!
Hey, glad this tickled your blackened funnybone at least. I feel like this is the kind of thing most people would think was ridiculous if you said it to them outside a comedy bit (just like the selfishness of creating one’s own child if living in the industrialized world…but I digress).
Ps read your post last week – sorry about the shit lot – and I just realised your experience actually adds to the analogy in some ways. Everyone says “go to therapy”, “try medication”, fucking solution x, y, z. For some people, doing “the right thing” smoothes things over with their volatile life partner that is life. For some it helps for a while then things go to shit again. And for some it makes no bloody difference, because life for them is an abusive asshole!