So idk. I guess life is ok but i just can’t keep on keeping on. I was married, now i’m not. Then I was involved in a rather complicated relationship. now I’m not. At the end of the day i know that i am loved, and i am responsible for my children, and i have burdens to carry. And idk if I can keep things keeping on. idk if i want to. My ex is a complete wreck, alcoholic, abusive, tells the world that I am a pathetic worthless human being even though i’m the one who made sure that our children were fed.
idk dears, idk if i can keep on. I’m staring up at the wall of pictures of my kids I have, anything I can to keep things going. i’m so tired of fighting, i’m so tired of having to be strong, and be stable. I just want it to end.
I think it was seneca who said thank you for this burden, because i am capable of carrying it. Something like that. Or not. Idk if I can carry it. I want to put it down so bad, but only death is down that path. And I want it so bad.
Why is it that I can have given up the great american dream, and found something that should be better, and still, i feel down and idk. Like I have wings like an angel, but only sometimes, and other times they’re of leather and cold, and what I try to protect I end up destroying.
Memento mori. I cannot wait for the end. I’ll endure as well as I can.
3 comments
Thank you for enduring. You are worth it. I’m sure even if it doesn’t feel that way someone appreciates you in real life. I think you’re strong. I remember feeling that way and having to work and having to do so many things when all i wanted was to die. I think you’re awesome for this. Bless your soul. Live another day. Remember we are all gonna die anyways. So make the most out of life before death gets ya. I guess what I’m trying to say is you are valid in how you feel, you are not alone, and thanks for enduring.
I second what the above comment says. Takes guts to do what you’re enduring for your children even after coming out of abusive relationship. My best wishes to you to come out off it stronger.
sometimes feeling overwhelmed is a signal that you are taking on more than you have to. I respect the desire to look after others, and I relate, been there.
Maybe it’s just that taking back time for myself has worked out surprisingly well for the people I care about, which includes me. I had become a martyr to my duties, and there was no one making me do it, just people that needed to learn to look after themselves.
None of us are here forever, and a successful life is one that ends with others learning to stand without us.
You don’t have to die to be free, but you might have to change lifestyle.