I have all the things I’m going to use. I know when I’m going to use it and how.
I really don’t want a funeral or a cremation. I don’t really even understand the concept of them. But, I think that’s really my personal perspective. I’m never really sad at a funeral. I’m never sure if the people around me are actually crying because they are really grieving the person who died’s death or if they are just crying so everyone around them doesn’t think they are an insensitive asshole. I think I just envy them. I also think that death is a part of life.
On the Suicide Hotline Webchat, you honestly just get lucky when you get someone that actually listens to you and doesn’t leave you sitting there waiting for them to start typing. I got that lucky last night. But, I’m still going tonight.
Also, there’s something weird about setting a future date for your death. I felt a kind of peace/content. This happened to me in February. It’s kind of a relief because you know it’s going to end. That’s the happiest I remember being in a while.
That’s all I want to write here.
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1 comment
funerals are for the living, I don’t think there is much to get when you are the subject of them. I’ve run through several dozen funeral plans, all they really say is that I still care what others think, and somehow that isn’t enough to keep me here. Well, it is, but that is more that my current life is more similar to being dead than it would be if I tried and failed….. I do carry on about such things.
never cried at a funeral, though I did get shit face drunk after the only one I remember being of someone that I loved. It was my granddad, and he was damn ready to go when he went. Still, someone like that grows to feel like a part of you, so when they die there’s a hole there.
I’m not sure if I recommend it, as an experience. It makes dying really hard when you fill that role in someone else’s life. Maybe emptiness and solitude are better. Maybe sometimes dead is better
cheers