Hard decision

Goddamnit, I’d hate for this to just be some bum other journal for me. But- At break point, I know that need.
Tonight I make the daring leap, I do what I hate myself for, what they will never forgive truly. For they cannot love, They cannot care for anything other than their purchase ‘pon me.
They will hate and weep, plead and probe into me, but my adamantine message cannot falter. Tonight will be difficult, I fear it’s malfruition. I pray to honest God for strength, for forgiveness for the resolve of self I have lacked so long, and for grace abounding yet in myself. Like the shatter-flutter before the fuze is lit, I feel such an urge, an otherworldly panic, undefined and unbridled, that I can only steel myself for goodness ahead.
God, get a fucking life, you moron. Nobody needs this shit, What will this even matter?! Everything and all I am are on the line- and you want to cry to the void like this? Scream, them, whelp, and feel the resolve only you can give yourself echo back in the dark. To it, now, and the plague ‘pon you for’t!