i died 5 years ago. i’d say i’m a survivor of abuse but every time i’m in a similar situation or talking about something that reminds me of what happened i can’t breathe and i fall apart all over again every time. i’m not a survivor. i’m nothing. he took something so special away from me and i’ll never get it back. i’ll never be able to experience it in a nice way without being suffocated by flashbacks of him
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what’s the deal with trying to recover what’s lost?
I mean, I get still trying to come to grips with the trauma of removal,
but if it’s gone…. it’s gone. Whatever is left is what matters, because it is something resembling alive. Let the dead parts stay dead, see what comes next…. or don’t, heck if I know,
maybe pining for what was is the answer, might explain why I’m still lost as hell