Plans

I used to want to be 16 so bad I had it all planned out I would get emancipated get a job have my own apartment drop out of school and get my ged and I thought then it would be better then maybe I won’t want to kill myself anymore.but the thing about my plans is that they never work. I thought that way since I was 10 and now I’m 16 only working on weekends with not enough time to get anywhere close to the kind of money I would need to move out but I also can’t stay with my mom or my dad. My mom and her husband have been telling me and my brother(14) that if we keep giving her a hard time about not going to school to go live with our father which wouldn’t be an issue if she didn’t have a restraining order against him for both of us because he’s abusive and she won’t take it off but wants to keep telling us to go live with him. I don’t really know what to do anymore I don’t have the energy to keep fighting with them and at this point I don’t have the energy to even get out of bed. I don’t want to die but I also don’t want to be alive not when it’s this exahsting.