I’m back in a place where I was very unhappy, and my mind is attacking me with a vengeance. It’s been quiet for so long that I can’t stand it this time. I want to stop being this ill. Fuck.
I’ll try and be honest with the people in my life. I’ll try and be honest with myself, and think more complete, coherent thoughts. My mind isn’t working as I’d like it to. I’ve been sober a while but it’s not clear in the least. I want a solution to my illness. I wish I could go back and take the change slow, and watch my mental health before coming here. I’m scared, and I can’t articulate why, not to myself. I want my head to feel clear.
2 comments
sounds like a healthy start anyway. Some days suck, I’ve found, and often there is nothing to do but keep from doing any more damage. I’m 100% with you on wanting to be done with being sick though. Maybe there is something proactive you can do to distract yourself? my goto is doing dishes or cleaning. It’s not enjoyable, but I wasn’t going to enjoy anything anyway. Then later when I feel better I don’t have to waste that on doing chores.
Distractions work, but it pisses me off how we need them at all. It’s my reality, how I’m feeling in the present, why should I need to be distracted from that?