That’s pretty pathetic. I feel horrible day in and day out. Got my method prepared and I’m just worried if I fail. Because afterwards my life will be a living hell indeed. Lost my job a while back and can’t keep up with payments and I’m threatened with lawsuits. I can’t take this anymore. It’s not even that big of an amount in the grand scheme of things. I feel like I’m spiraling. I don’t know what to do. I don’t see any way out anymore. It’s Christmas Eve and the only thing I’m thinking about is how to properly end things and when and who will find me and what not. This isn’t my first rodeo with suicidal ideation. I’ve had a major depressive episode a while back. This one feels worse. It’s just too much.
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I beg you to wait until sometime in January, for the sake of your friends and family.
Christmas is for many of us the time that missing loved ones is the worst, regardless of what time of year they passed. To lose a loved one at Christmas, it can make the season intolerable. It’s only a few weeks, I implore you.
That being said, it’s a sucky place to be, feeling so down in this season where everyone is trying to put on a happy face. Perhaps there are some simple joys… I wish I was there with you, I’d share a cup of cider or hot chocolate, always picks me up.
If all else fails, there is no better time of year to sleep away the bad days. Where I’m at the sun comes up around 9 AM, and goes down at 5 PM, it’s pretty darn easy to sleep 12 hours a day.
I don’t know how the social programs are where you live, but maybe you can go on welfare or unemployment insurance. Perhaps they can pay for counselling too.
Do you have any friends/family you can live with for a short while till you can get on your feet again?
I used to be a bit more neutral on this topic but now I try to advise to be around for others if you can, like if there are people who count on you for being there.
Like for instance my sister and I spoke about suicide, she’s had thoughts about it as well, but wants me to be around for her and vice versa.
She’s doing better in life than I am, nice house/family, etc, but does have other issues like anyone else, but so far we’re ok and we keep going mostly for others.
If you don’t have any connections and there’s no way out of your situation, I do understand. Best of luck whatever you do decide to do in your life.