I want to be Gone

I have lost what mental fortitude I have. I feel like my life has only served to hurt others and am just two cowardly to kill myself. I have a objectively good life which I don’t deserve. I have friends who put up with me out of the kindness of their hearts but whom I know I drag down every time I see them. I see every day that I am a burden to my family and my only wish in life is to be of some use somehow. I am unintelligent, and this only burdens others further, as they have to constantly keep me in the loop at the expense of their time. I feel like I make all those unfortunate enough to come into my presence uncomfortable, and I know I am clingy. I am a hypocrite and a lying fraud. I wish I could just get a chance to try again with life and do it better and help instead of being a selfish bastard.  I really wanna die.  My presence serves to hurt others I hate that.  I’ve tried so hard to change but every time I fix something something else surfaces.  And at the end of the day, I’m male.  Nothing I can do will ever make that right.