Do you know what it is like to fail yourself?
To plan, to perfect an exit, to weep and mourn your own loss, what little of the day left you would miss after completing, and the. to fail?
Do you know what it is like to feel that shatter-flutter of adrenaline and every chemical at once- Over and over and over again as you fail? AGAIN, and again-
And then, you fix things, you try to make it work- (why won’t it work? this doesn’t make any sense!)
and you yet again fail your one life’s desire?
and you try so many different things, so many different times, you SHOULD HAVE WON! The success rates, the science, your methods, all perfect— but its as if a hand from from spectral force keeps anything from setting off correctly once the wires are jumped- fizzle, fizzle
Do you know what it’s like to crave it? Doubt it? -the need for death?
To find your answer so truly, yes, I desire this, deep in my heart, it is what is best-
And then to fail so many times so lamely over so many years?
You fail who you are. You fail yourself, everything. You cannot succeed. Now live with that.
How?