progress

First I want to recommend a game I’ve been playing that is amazing in how good it is at relaxing me. It’s called Dorfromantic and it’s on Steam. It was marketed to me as a puzzle game, which it is, but you’re putting together a landscape and how you do it changes every time. You complete certain goals, you get more tiles.

Anyway the dark side of that is that I’ve lost about five hours today playing it. I can barely remember…. it’s legit lost time. Is that a bad thing? I’ve also been wondering if there are diminishing returns on escapism, like there are only so many hours a day one can spend detached from the real world? Not sure, anyway I’ll be testing that a bit more tonight when I tuck back into my book.

But, and I hate saying it, things might get better. I hate saying it because I try to stay detached. I don’t like getting invested in a prospective benefit. That’s where sadness comes from, after all.

But, coming back to having my computer has felt amazing… if I do suspect somewhat of a relapse into my distraction addiction. In addition, the net benefit of the whole thing is that I’ve started the process of building a computer. God do I ever love a project, especially one with definite and measurable benefits. In addition since I’m doing it intentionally to take my time, it allows me to be more thoughtful in that process.

Today I talked to my case manager, great supportive person, doesn’t really provide the kick therapy used to, but she got me an appointment with a therapist next week, who I will have the option to continue with if I like. In two days I go to a job fair, so that’ll keep my folks off my back for at least another week. This month the project I’ve promised myself is getting set up with grad school. I’m theoretically already admitted, but I need to figure out finances and logistics.

So, yeah. I’ve got a bit of a game plan…. a bit more purpose.

Oh, and I reached out to a friend I haven’t seen in awhile and they actually contacted back, so I have that to look forward to as well.

I’ve got to be careful, not to allow myself to expect anything, or to become acclimated to all this activity. It could all be over in an instant, that has happened before. It’s the darndest thing, trying to want things enough to work on them, but not so much that it hurts when they are lost.