I’ve been trying to find a way to frame it and wrap my head around this whole thing. For me there are two critical spectrums in a job; ethics and compensation. Less ethics should equal greater compensation, seems like a given. More ethics, less compensation.
Except I’ve worked for some of the most morally bankrupt people…. and I’m broke…. it’s not like I had any kind of luxury lifestyle. And I can’t afford to work somewhere that I find morally rewarding anymore either.
It kind of built up for me, I watch a lot of movies where the main character is a hit man. Like, if that were a genre I would be a fanboy. More accurately, I watch movies where someone who has been a hitman realizes that it isn’t worth it. I get that my work is probably more ethical than directly killing people, but it’s a metaphor for why it doesn’t work. Eventually there isn’t an amount of money worth debasing yourself for, or is it just me?
A close friend of mine just got a job for an utterly evil insurance company, but it’s a good job, and he offered to get me a job…. and I ask myself if I could rationalize it for long enough… and I doubt it.
What’s worse I’m struggling to do my functions, keep up with the house, dogs and cats. Throw a job in the mix I stop functioning. I don’t know how some people do it. Well, I do know in the cases of my friends, they just work sick. They keep showing up to jobs that rob them of their time and dignity….. and I don’t have it in me to do that.