To be honest, there are times where I am fine. I’m good. The sadness is locked, the pain is not flowing, and the darkness is dimmed by my torch.
Sometimes it’s hard to write here because I’m afraid.
I’m afraid to inflict pain and to put ideas that can hurt people who read this. But then again, I know how most of this site’s visitors feel. I’ve been there and I still go there despite my want to not be in that dark place.
I remember my first attempt to open up.
It was hard and it was painful. Talking didnt resolve anything, infact it make the hurt stronger.
But what hurted the most was the fact that I still felt alone.I’m alone with my head.
I’m alone with my thoughts.
I’m alone with my pain.
I’m alone with my suffering.
I’m alone with my own world when my peers are there doing the things they do while I bleed inside.
There is no cure.
So despite wanting to put wisdom and positivity to this site’s visitors, I decided to not do it.
Pain is nothing to celebrate about, I know it because I know how it feels and how ugly it is. I know how it crushes the heart inside.
So I choose to embrace it. That is the only option left.
The only way.