Carrying trauma to my grave

So, I don’t even wanna hear another single person dare make the mistake of telling me to stop thinking about my trauma, when they have no fucking idea that I’ll be carrying this shit to my brain. I’m the only one in this whole stupid family who suffers from real trauma and any other mental illness, that I’ll be taking to my grave. Even though there’s times when I’m extremely stressed about trauma and other times when my trauma still affects me but not as bad, either way this traumatic shit is always there somewhere inside of me, and most willing to Provoke me anytime it can. And even if I’m not agonizing over it in some days like I agonize on it on many other days, shit’s gonna pop off if my trauma is triggered by some reminder or similar event, which puts me in fucking survival mode all over again, and this is why I feel like this whole fucking universe is a setup all the fucking time. I’m fucking cursed, and anytime shit has to go wrong, it always goes wrong for me, as I’m the one who always gets fucked up by whatever fucking situation’s made to screw. Trauma is like a haunting effect on my life that never goes away. It’s not just in the past, and just because my stupid family thinks that shit’s just in the past just cuz it ain’t that day anymore, doesn’t mean it isn’t haunting me again or that it isn’t still effecting me anymore. Because it is still affecting me in the present, and of course my fucking present affects my fucking future! So it’s not just something I could just get over, because whether or not these people and this asshole universe that cursed me believes it, trauma is not just in the past and if it was “just in the past,” I would get over it like any other thing,but I can’t ‘cause I’m living in a fucking horror movie that replays itself over and over on its own. I have to take so much precaution with shit that it makes my OCD, and even my depression worse. I don’t just decide to think about this shit. But who cares about that shit? First my therapist says I need to do EMDR because my trauma is affecting me so badly but then once it gets worse he says my state’s too bad to do EMDR now. Bullshit. I’ll carry this shit to my grave. I haven’t had a fucking session in 2 weeks and I’m fine with that. No useless human being on this shit hole planet can help me anyway,