It’s been 40+ years of this hellscape.
40+ years of pain and suffering.
40+ years of loneliness and never belonging anywhere.
40+ years of never being loved or cared by anyone.
40+ years of being fucking poor.
20+ years of being chronically sick.
Just tired of it all. I just want a DECENT life. Why can’t I even have a DECENT life?
When will I have love in my life?
When will I have joy in my life?
When will I be happy??
When will I be ok with myself?
When will I have a secure future?
18 comments
well, it’s unlikely to come all at once. Having turned it around, approximately 4 times, it usually starts slow. Little victories, like I can now wear my watch every day, that took a lot of healing to get to. I’m claiming a bit more health every day.
but the real trick is recovering from swing and a miss, from trying and it not coming to anything. When it’s possible to try for more without it wiping all my energy, it usually means I can achieve more.
If I start thinking like this my mind goes down a very dark and sad path…makes me feel suicidal…however if I just stop thinking about those things, then I function within the present.
While I’ve made a ton of stupid mistakes in my life if there’s one thing I could take back is smartening up in my 30s or 40s instead of at the start of my 50s…that’s when a lot of things clicked in for me.
I was trying to ‘beat the system’ and I should’ve realized life isn’t a ‘beating the odds’ inspirational song and I had a lot of stupid ideas in my head…where I thought I’d succeed at something that wasn’t easy to pull off.
Additionally I didn’t have a good support system to follow my dreams…my scummy dad would kick me when I was down and was the first to have his hand out (for money) the second I started to succeed (at my business-for example, which only lasted for a short while).
I should’ve tried to get away from him in my early 20s…I knew that he was untrustworthy and hated me…yet I decided to live with him because he was close to my new job at the time.
I should’ve worked on getting my own property and back then they were more affordable, but I was always in shaky employment, I needed a secure job where one couldn’t be let go easily, that’s when you can actually build a life.
As for your questions…we create our own happiness…it’s up to us, but the choices we make in life. Sometimes those choices are beneficial, sometimes the opposite.
I too wish I could be happy…have that ‘ideal’ life. That takes health, money, the two biggest factors….then being in shape and being around people that are not evil.
Lacking those things, then life can be unpleasant to say the least. I think about ending my life and I know very few people will care or take notice…the world will keep merrily spinning on without me.
I don’t know why I care so much to keep taking on this role I do every day…when the universe is against me and wants me to fail…I mean that it’s hard to create the happy life we all want. It’s simply easier and in some cases more sensible to give up when the deck is stacked against you.
I only keep going for my mom mostly…the only other person I care about, my sister will be ok without me. I’m older, losing my looks with age…not earning a lot, have no property…have health issues…and I’m trying to fight against ‘fate.’ If not for my mom I think opting for Maid would be an easy option.
Again if I was in my 30s, 40s at most, I’d feel I have reason to keep trying till I hit 50…but now-unless I got rich in a few years…it’s really not worth it. I have a feeling I won’t be doing too much better by the time I’m 60…but I will give it an honest try.
“I too wish I could be happy…have that ‘ideal’ life. That takes health, money, the two biggest factors….”
>>Isn’t that always the problem- lack of money and health? Health takes money, and money takes health to create. One cannot have one without the other, so I wind up with none. FML.
Very true…no money, you live in a bad place that makes you sick…then you need money for medicine or you get sicker. Vice versa, with money you have a healthy life.
For me that’s a major redline…just recently I started experiencing some pain on my right jaw…I think I might need to get a wisdom tooth taken out…but I believe the pain will go away on it’s own-its been improving.
But the last few days was bad enough that it’s made it hard to eat…and it affects your whole body…you feel ‘sick’ and ‘weak’ like you don’t want to do anything until the pain goes away.
That pain is just a small fraction of what some people experience with diseases and other problems…there’s no way I’d allow myself to live with pain for a long time…unless it was going away in a reasonable amount of time.
Ofc money is also key…without it one cannot have a good life or even a basic one. Sadly in a Capitalist system there’s extremes of rich/poor…so those on the lower rungs are fcuked hard…it’s no life and therefore not worth living.
I’m not sure if I mentioned it, while Canada has it’s problems if you are able to relocate here I think you’d have a much better life here than where you are now.
Generally it’s clean, the people are nice, it’s a higher standard of living and the social programs are good for people with health issues…not as good as in the past, but still decent and a great pension system but you have to pay into it for about 20 yrs from what I recall.
Ofc the trouble is the high cost of living here….about 10-20 yrs ago it was much better/affordable. That’s the only thing that would be a deterrence and you do need 2 incomes to get by…otherwise it’s not worth it.
If you plan to rent (or buy) a condo/house you’re golden, but regular apartments are garbage…including bsmts….landlords mostly are scum who rip off tenants and give you a hard life, not worth it. Can’t wait to get out of the rental trap.
“I’m not sure if I mentioned it, while Canada has it’s problems if you are able to relocate here I think you’d have a much better life here than where you are now.”
>>Yes, I know. Part of the reason I’m so bitter. Of ALL the fucking places my parents just HAD to fucking move to, it had to be in shithole USA, and in the hardest fucking city too. I’m so bitter we didn’t immigrate to Canada. I probably wouldn’t have hated life so much. There’s universal healthcare. And not that there isn’t racism in Canada, but there’s a lot LESS there than in shithole USA. I was bullied relentlessly, not just by students, but by also shitty teachers and racist faculty, since the day I fucking stepped foot in USA. I’ve had to endure racism since age 5. Fun stuff. -_-
Oh yes, education is probably much better there too.
Anyhow, it’s too late. I can’t immigrate to Canada now. Not without a job or a Canadian husband. But Canada is also falling apart. Not as bad as USA as of rn but Canada is adopting all the shitty USA policies so it won’t be but 20-30 years before Canada turns into USA.
and oh, i used to hear all the time that Canadians are so nice. much nicer and friendlier than Americans. maybe times are a-changing, but that’s how it was for many decades.
Sorry to hear about all the bullying…I think it just depends where you settle.
If you go to areas with more Christian Conservative aholes, I think they tend to be more racist…while Liberal cities, esp that are more mixed are usually better.
I can relate, I’ve experienced some as well…what’s worse is when you’re a short, skinny kid who happens to be smart and slighty nerdy, that works against you as well.
Ofc once I figured out how the game works, then I got myself into shape…genetics kicked in and I got taller…just average now…but all of it made a difference.
People like to pick on the weak and small…after I got fit I think they were intimidated (some were more respectful).
You’re right about Canada, if you came early it would’ve been better…but now it’s going down the drain…housing is unafforable and out of reach for most on the lower end, more azzholes were let into the country…it’s not longer the lovely place it used to be.
Only way it’s worth staying is if you have a lot of money….and avoid having scummy people in your life. Then it’s ok.
pfft- racism isn’t limited to red states or christian conservative places. i grew up in the most diverse of cities, in a liberal city that always votes blue- ppl who are democrats are just as racists as republicans. the difference is that republicans will openly admit they’re racists whereas democrats won’t.
“I think it just depends where you settle.”
>>Yes, that’s why I’m so bitter why my parents just HAD to fucking immigrate to the USA, and to one of the worst cities. If we had immigrated to Canada, back in the 80s, Canada was great back then. I would’ve been around better, friendlier ppl. Yes I know it depends on region, but Canada overall has “nicer” ppl than USA overall. I fucking HATE Americans. Americans are super selfish, and stupid to boot. There is no other 1st world nation with universal education that produces such a mass of ignorant stupid ppl.
I’m sure 80% of our depression would go away if we had enough money. So many idiots keep repeating “money doesn’t bring happiness” and that money wouldn’t help. Really? If I lived in a large, nice house, away from shithole neighbors, in a nicer city that doesn’t have garbage everywhere on the streets, in a nicer country that offers universal healthcare, you mean NONE of that would help?
You know what? I’m just not going to listen to 80% of ppl anymore on anything. The avg person is an idiot.
Quite true Eternal….’common knowledge’ is usually wrong or foolish.
People who say ‘money doesn’t buy happiness’ is just another form of sour grapes…that’s what poor/average people say to make themselves feel better for being in a lower socioeconomic status.
Exactly if you’re healthy, live in a big beautiful house, all your needs are met…how can one not be happy? Until someone has a mental illness or bad relationships…which in most cases can be fixed by getting rid of shiity people.
I think what’s needed is for gov’ts to lock food/housing prices to the rate of inflation…maybe lock inflation to 1-2% as well….then raise incomes for the lowest rungs, so that it is based on allowing people to afford to buy homes, clothing, etc., whatever is needed for a “happy life” last I read it’s about $70k minimum per year.
Now for small businesses if they can only afford to pay say $15/hr then the gov’t should make up the difference through taxes…and tax the fork out of the rich corps who never pay their fair share anyways.
Why do we need 1,000 billionaires….when a billion people are starving? It makes no sense…we have a pie (wealth) that can be divided up far better than it is now…this will give more people are happier life.
But again it’s one of those big things like climate change that requires the cooperation of a lot of people and there’s many competing interests…that’s why little ever changes.
“People who say ‘money doesn’t buy happiness’ is just another form of sour grapes…that’s what poor/average people say to make themselves feel better for being in a lower socioeconomic status”
>>Exactly. They’re the worst. At least admit the obvious fucking truth. SO many ppl try and fight me on this, whether it’s IRL or ppl online, when I post things (on here and on other forums). There’s always a bunch of ppl saying shit like “no amount of money is going to help my depression.” And that is just a bunch of CROCK.
These ppl are either 1- in denial like you said or 2- are well-off enough to not have a fucking clue how life is horrible when you don’t have money. So many ppl are in category #2. These ppl are the worst.
They have no empathy, sympathy, or even care try to see things from someone else’s perspective/life. And even well-off people benefit from more money. You know all those “studies” that showed happiness does not increase after about ~75K? Yeah, another study recently showed that it was all a LIE (gee, who would’ve thought, the media that is owned by the elites, would tell the masses that “money does not buy happiness”?). Anyway, that study showed that at EVERY income level, even millionnaires, that MORE money always results in MORE happiness. Obviously the higher you go, the less the % increase is, but there is always an increase. If there weren’t, the rich wouldn’t try to get even richer.
[These ppl are either 1- in denial like you said or 2- are well-off enough to not have a fucking clue how life is horrible when you don’t have money. So many ppl are in category #2. These ppl are the worst.]
Indeed, yes I think most are in cat 2…many of them probably were born into the middle class and stayed there so that are totally clueless on how bad life is for those in the lower classes.
That’s why you hear them insulting the poor…they don’t realize hobos spend their money on booze to numb the pain they’re in, not just from the extreme cold, but also the emotional suffering.
Most people judge the world on how they are doing…if they’re ok, they assume everyone else is too…if anyone complains, they think they’re ‘spoiled.’
Very few people have a sense of real empathy…to be able to put themselves in other people’s shoes. And frankly I doubt they’d understand until they experience real hardship themselves.
[If there weren’t, the rich wouldn’t try to get even richer.]
Indeed, more money = more power, more toys that keep you entertained…more love interests if you wanted to ‘play the field.’
[There’s always a bunch of ppl saying shit like “no amount of money is going to help my depression.” And that is just a bunch of CROCK.]
Agreed, though I’d make the exception for people who have genetically based mental illness, like schizophrena…not much can be done for them, aside from meds. But for normal people who are depressed from a poor life, yes they’ll feel happy if they were financially free.
“Very few people have a sense of real empathy…to be able to put themselves in other people’s shoes. And frankly I doubt they’d understand until they experience real hardship themselves.”
>>Most ppl don’t WANT to care to understand. That’s the thing. If ppl wanted to care or wanted to understand, they would. But it boils down to ppl being selfish and not caring, not having empathy.
“Why do we need 1,000 billionaires….when a billion people are starving? It makes no sense…we have a pie (wealth) that can be divided up far better than it is now…this will give more people are happier life.”
>>Bc the billionnaires want more and more and more. And since they are the ones that control the govt and economic policies, well, whatever they want goes. So the rest of us poor schmucks/the masses get screwed.
“and tax the fork out of the rich corps who never pay their fair share anyways.”
>>the rich NEVER pay their fair share. that’s how they stay rich. and get even richer.
>>Bc the billionnaires want more and more and more….the masses get screwed.
If I recall correctly one of the European nations limits how much wealth a person can make and the rest is put back in the public purse. As result everyone has a high standard of living (Switzerland I think).
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>>the rich NEVER pay their fair share. that’s how they stay rich. and get even richer.
Yup and they buy off politicians who should be enforcing laws and forcing corps/rich to pay their fair share or go to jail…but ofc they’re all in bed with each other like Congress.
If nobody can hold you accountable…then it doesn’t matter if the average Joes see you milking the system…they know their buddies in power will protect them. (The masses would have to unite and organize a Revolution the way the French did to ‘fix the system.’)
Like how Biden’s son hasn’t been prosecuted for his child raping…it’s all out in the open and the media doesn’t even touch this story-unlike Epstein…aside from the fringe sites. Imagine if it was Trump or his sons who did that? We’d never hear the end of it.