Why are you depressed?
Childhood abuse and trauma
Adult Life not working out – no friends, no job, health issues, loneliness.
I despise having been born into this shitty world. I’ve had to endure a horrible life, wrought with poverty and abuse on top of misery. Ah, if only my life had been snuffed out as a fetus or embryo. Would have saved me a lifetime of pain and torture. But alas, I am here. Living a punishing existence. How lovely.
I want to do something with my life, but what? I don’t care about anything anymore… goals, accomplishments, meh. I used to have them, but now all I want to do is sleep. Yes, sleep. I haven’t slept a deep sleep in 15 years (I was hit by a car, and that’s when my life basically ended). I wake up tired, and barely have any energy to get dressed or brush my teeth, let alone actually do something.
I want to pack up and move cross country and to basically be a gypsy and visit other cheaper countries (like Mexico or Ecuador). I want to live as a retiree there. It’s just too damn expensive here.
I want to do something instead of just wasting away here, but I’m too tired to pack. I’m all alone here and sick, and just the thought of packing is tiring. When you’re sick, you don’t have the energy to do these things. I used to pack up and move cross country by myself all the time. But now that I’m ill, and older, it’s not easy. Just how the hell do I get all my stuff over? I need help; I can’t do it alone.
So meanwhile, I’m just wasting away here… with shitty ass neighbors that drive me insane… 🙁
We are told by society that “we MUST forgive our abusers” and that if we don’t “then we’ll never find love and happiness.
First of all- this is a** backwards. Why is it that the VICTIMS are the ones who must forgive the a**holes? Why is it that when people do heinous things to people, say for ex, a little boy who gets raped, that it is incumbent upon the BOY who has to forgive his abusers. WTF kind of logic is that?
People who have been abused are already abused. Now on top of that, people are pointing fingers at the victims who are suffering, and basically implying that they are depressed because THEY haven’t CHOSEN to forgive their abusers, and that THEY must “choose the high road”, etc etc.
It’s shaming and blaming the victims even more. It’s not like anyone who’s abused wants to live in pain and agony, or live with so much anger inside themselves. It’s not like we can simply tell ourselves, “ok, let’s just forgive x, y, z, and ok, Done!”
It doesn’t work that way. Forgiveness is a RESULT of the person working on their lives and in the end becoming free from the past that haunts them. Sometimes this takes decades. Sometimes it never gets healed or “fixed.” But forgiveness is not something you can simply tell yourself to just do and that’s that. No one WANTS to be in pain and hold on to all that pain and anger. If we could all just “let it go” we would. But it’s not so easy, and life doesn’t work like that.
I’m just pissed at society that points the finger back at us, the VICTIMS. We are BLAMED for our depression. “Well, if you just forgive x, y, z, then you won’t be depressed anymore. If you’re still depressed, well then it’s your fault.” That’s basically what society is telling us.
…I would, with 99% certainty, take it within 1 year (I’m done with life and all I need is a method).
…I would, with 99% certainty, hold onto it until I’m ready (I’ll for sure take it years later).
…I would, with 99% certainty, never take it (I’ll wait till nature, or something, ends me).
Let’s take a poll.
What would you SPers choose?
It’s always there. Maybe there’s a few days of brightness in between, but the darkness is always there, always waiting for you, and always pulls you back. You turn into a lump of coal, not doing anything productive, and feelings of utter bleakness and hopelessness set in. Or more like, they’ve made a permanent home, and occasionally they leave for a walk.
Anyhow, how does anyone get over depression? How many people who’ve had severe and long-lasting depression, have actually improved and gotten better? How many remain stuck in their utter desolation and pain? I yearn to be free of this darkness, this darkness that is constantly enveloping me. Well, I would have to be dead for that to happen. Depression and me have been together since…well, since I was little. So, little hope of it ever changing or it going away.
What have you accomplished in your life?
A huge part of my depression is my lack of accomplishment. It makes me super depressed watching other people do something with their lives. Not just celebrities, but even silly YouTubers. They’ve all managed to make something of themselves, even if it’s for being popular for no reason.
No, I don’t care to be popular, that was just an example.
And before you can say “Then just go do something,” I have been battling a ton of health problems for the past 15 years, so I can’t just go and do [insert whatever activity]. It’s stopped me from doing everything. I used to be so active, did so much, but now…now what am I? What have I done? For the last 15 years, nothing. Nothing except be in pain and struggle. Struggle, struggle, struggle.
No, I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but what else can you do? We *do* compare ourselves to others, that is why many of us feel the way we do.
It hurts to see everyone so happy and healthy and carefree and doing whatever they want. It makes me cry and die a little more each day.
I just feel so shitty, like why do I have to be sick? Why can’t I be healthy like everyone else? Why does my life have to be so broken, so ruined and so alone?
Anyway, just a sad little rant, from a sad little nobody.
Hi guys. Today I noticed that when I create a post, it no longer gives me the option to opt out of having it shown on google search? It used to be in the menu options but now it’s not? (was under All in One SEO Pack – Social Settings). Has it changed or am I just not clicking the right areas? I don’t want my posts to be easily searchable on Google. Thanks.
And so complicated?
I just want to be happy, healthy, and well I don’t need to be wealthy but make good money.
I just want to be loved and wanted.
I want my life to matter, I want to make a difference / have an impact.
Because otherwise, what for is my existence?? Why must I be born, live, and suffer for so many years? It’s been decades of mental and physical pain and I’m sick and tired of it.
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