Okay well here goes. To whoever is reading. I’m not okay. Not at all. Not right now. Probably won’t be when I wake up. Probably won’t be some days from now. Depends where i am, who’s with me and what’s in me. I can’t do normal people stuff anymore. I can’t do small talk comfortably. I’d rather sit on my own where no one can see me, no one knows where I am so I don’t have to face any questions. Why are you quiet today? Are you okay? Why do you look like that? Why? Why? Why. makes me feel bad for him. He says it’s okay. He doesn’t mind. Idk. I can’t get over my past. Too much. I don’t regret ruining my skin. Seen worse on my body. Seen much worse on top of my body. Been dealing with way worse in my mind. Too gone. Not worth it. Not happy enough. Not cheery enough. Not laughable enough. Not funny enough. Not smiley enough. Too dark. Too isolated. Too quiet. Too alone. Story of my life. Story of anyone’s opinions on me. She’s weird. Can’t do this. Can’t do that. You know what I’m talking about. It’s not my fault I can’t do that. It’s not my fault at all. Yet I’m still fighting it. I’m still fighting the fact that I’m the weird one for not being able to do it. I’m still too frigid/ im still fucking weird. It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to. I was a child. I was 12 years old. I was barely anyone and this is what you made me. It’s not my fault. Stop making me feel bad for it. Stop making me feel like I’m punishing him for it. It’s not my fucking fault. I try to make it better for him. Get you off his back. Make it better for him. Give him what he deserves. What he wants. What I want. I swear. I swear I want it. I fucking need it. You don’t understand. I’m pushing him away with all of it. I just want to keep him. I’m surprised he’s not left already, I’m too quiet. I’m too awkward. I’m not sociable enough. I’m not who I am to anyone. I’m not who I am to anyone.

Haven’t I given enough?