I am a mess in my own head. A Judas in my mind, I suppose.
I loved wrestling as a kid, mainly WWE. Got into TNA (Imapct Wrestling) as a teen, and eventually wound up back into WWE. It’s how I made friends, it’s a big part of my life.
Now, as good as it’s been overall with AEW now being in the mix (even though AEW has fallen off a bit now in my opinion), I haven’t been watching it for 7 months now. I follow it to a degree, sure, and I’ll always have the memories of a lot of it, but I don’t really think I care about it anymore. I’ve been losing my grip for months, and even though a few tiny things have improved, I feel like I’ve regressed and have pushed people away unintentionally. I keep to myself to the point where I just do what I need to do (barely) and come back home. I’m so tired of myself at this point honestly. Tired of financial crap, and all the economy bullshit, and the rat race that everyone but the Uber rich participate in. People are out there struggling worse than me but are doing something with their lives. I just feel like someone more deserving should be in my place instead. It’s infuriating that I keep feeling this way, and because I’m an adult man, at the end of the day, noone gives a shit and you just have to roll with it and take it. If you aren’t capable of providing, or “handsome”, or make enough money, you’re basically useless in society.
I don’t know how to fix all of these issues I have. I can’t ask for help anymore, financially or otherwise. I have to do these things myself or they won’t get done, but I can’t do this anymore.