I don’t celebrate Christmas, or most any holidays really. Despite that I hope you lovely people are enjoying yours, or are at least enjoying something, whether it be a break from school or work or the like…
Anyway, I’ve just been here, in my room, thinking.
As a kid, I had a sort of odd fascination with hypnosis. I watched lots of videos on it and was simply curious about how it worked. I wasn’t sure how real it was.
Then late 2018 or early 2019, I hypnotized someone. Completely by accident. I was in complete shock. Of course I tried not to mess the person up or anything, but maybe I wound up obsessing over it a bit much. Then I was successful again, with someone else. It was a very interesting point in time.
Again, I tried to be professional with it, and control what exactly I did with the subject while under. This was all done with consent of course. I believe it worked because I had built up a meaningful and trusting relationship with each of the subjects, and I genuinely care for both of them (I still do, even though one has disappeared from my life).
I once again feel uncertain about myself. About my level of intellect, my abilities, the things I’m currently doing. I’ve been in a rut for the past 4 years now, and I’ve run out of confidence in myself to accomplish anything. I’m broke and jobless headed into 2020, and at age 24, it just feels like nothing I do, until I can pay off debts and pay my parents something, is helping. I feel like I’ve been drowning, and the worst thing is that I can’t afford a therapist to sort through this multi volume series of books that is all my crap from the time I started here a few years back.
Anyways, thanks for listening.