-Daily irritation in general due to my own situation.
-General reminders that loved ones and others have been through a lot of crap and that I’ve lived the good life in comparison, a lot of do better, you’re smarter than this talk.
-Me KNOWING and UNDERSTANDING ALL OF THIS, but at this point knowing that explaining myself or trying to tell anyone what goes on in my head is pointless and gets me nowhere except having people I care for angry at me for whatever the case is.
-Me wanting to get myself out of the situation, to stop burdening the few people who do […]
This is a rant.
It all makes me angry.
Can’t afford anything, stuck in a job I despise for 3 years now. It’s one of those jobs where the job isn’t difficult per say, but the work environment and the management are atrocious, complete garbage. So many people who’d been there for longer than I have up and left because they were fed up with it too, and that’s my cue to leave. Taking a sick day because I’m fed up with the place.
Yet all I see are jobs that pay less than this one, or jobs that pay more that I […]
All they do is help me, and I can’t help but constantly get angry.
I’m looking for work, but I’m not trying hard enough to find a job, or a career.
I’m a fat slob who isn’t losing weight, so I’m not trying on that.
I literally have a month and then regardless of what happens, I’m leaving my current job. I’m sick and tired of the current job I have, it’s driving me mad.
A lot of things are driving me crazy.
I don’t have any certifications that matter, I haven’t found the start I need for the career path I’ve been studying for […]
I don’t really know.
There’s someone I worry about constantly and miss everyday, and I don’t hear from them as much as before at all.
I pray for them everyday, and hope we can talk more and that things improve.
I don’t really know how to get the start I need with the career I’m trying to get into…
Idk what to even do. I’m just tired of being the problem.
How the hell am I supposed to fix myself? How do people even live proper lives?
I know in my mind and soul that I’m not like most […]
I’m the reason why I’m the way I am. A mess, unable to properly convey myself to the people who truly give a shit about me.
I’m the problem. I’ve known that since 2016.
I hate the thing I currently am. I’m no person. I’m some ugly machine. A defective one. How do I even tell anyone these things?
I over relied on someone. They’re far away and with someone else now. We’re still friends but when she’s not well, she withdraws from everyone, and I hate that I can’t speak with her. I think I’m trying too hard to keep up […]
I should be grateful that I have friends and family who care and want what’s best for me.
That they see a version of myself that I’d lost so long ago, and are still trying to point me back in the right direction.
It’s like talking to a wall. No responses, just stares and yeses.
What am I to even do or say? They tend to be right. I’m not doing enough, not trying hard enough. I’m no man, I’m a child.
Stop the victim blaming, and try harder. Go outside more. There is so much you have to do as […]
This was meant to be a post about a fun game I’ve been immersed in lately, but turned into this… Sigh. Also, wow, my own life is quite dull by comparison. It’s funny. I know none of that stuff is real, and the only way to spicen up one’s own life is to go out and do more things with people, but man, introversion can be its own worst enemy sometimes. I don’t know how to really feel about where my life’s been headed. 7 years on SP now, multiple decades to get myself going to a point of proper independence and yet, I’m still […]
I’ve locked myself into something I don’t necessarily want to do currently. Go out. I’m just tired. Always tired. All the time. Maybe it’s peer pressure and not really going out much anyway, but I told my roommates I’d go out with them tonight. I’ve gone out with them before and had a good time many times but I tend to stay home or just chill by myself. Game mostly or just solo drive around. Idk. I just feel uncomfortable and a little annoyed. Maybe I should’ve stayed asleep.
Idk why I’m so angry lately. Pressure to quit the job I have for a […]
My mind is a mess, isn’t it?
Chad awoke in a strange area.
Multiple small islands surrounded him, floating in mid air. On each island, there’s a marble statue. Each statue is of something… significant? Chad doesn’t remember.
A football, a clarinet, running shoes, a bottle of… whiskey?
Chad doesn’t drink.
He’s just… uncertain. In a haze of utter madness and chaos.
He stands up, brushes himself off, and moves toward the statue of the football.
In a flash, he sees himself, scoring a touchdown! He almost forgot how passionate he was about football.
His teammates dunk him in sports drink and he gets a kiss from a hot cheerleader.
I don’t really feel […]
I hate drinking, but it’s one of few things that calms me down as of late. I don’t drink often, maybe once every few months or so at this point, but I just had a drink and man, I feel a lot calmer…
This is why I have to limit myself, so it doesn’t become a habit.
Luckily I’m a big dude, so drunkenness doesn’t come as easily for me. Still, it’s nice to shush the bad thoughts and just chill out after work.
And yet, my mind still races.
I don’t know what to really do anymore.
I’ve driven the person I love into the arms of the perfect man for her, her words not mine.
I’m needing to find a new place to live.
I need more money or else I won’t afford anything at all.
So many things all at once. I can’t deal with this anymore.
Going back home is not an option. It will make things worse.
And yet, what the hell else can I do? I really don’t know anymore.
I can barely hold myself together. Maybe I should just get rid of everything I worked for to this point to be able to afford some […]
I don’t know what I’m even doing anymore. I obviously can’t take care of myself at all. I’ve ruined friendships, ruined any chances I’d had to improve my financial situation. I’m stuck and I know things will move further down, and I’m just trying not to drag my completely innocent roommate down with me. I don’t deserve the things I’d gotten. I deserve to be homeless and have nothing and noone because I’d gotten too much help. There are so many people who could take my situation and make it into something feasible. I’d love to switch places with them or something. Because I’m just […]
How do you know if you’re “crazy” by societal standards?
I have some medical issues that affect me on a day to day and sometimes, I hear my parents calling my name when they’re nowhere near me. I pass out a fair bit when laying down and dream about random nonsense and I guess some people I knew from the before times. Random songs I’d heard before play in my head at random and I’d like it very much to stop. I flip back and forth between okay and not okay, and I’m always stressed about money shit. I need help but I’m in […]
Hogwarts Legacy is a game I’d been anticipating for so long, and it’s finally here and it’s everything I thought it’d be and more.
In preparation, and to get myself into the world and characters, I watched the whole series this week. The story, the characters, it’s all really well done. It also helps avoid the books lol. I don’t hate reading but man, those books are a ***** for anyone who isn’t an avid reader…
I wound up in Gryffindor. I don’t consider myself brave per say, or all that courageous… if anything I figured I’d be more Ravenclaw in regards to valuing the bit […]
This panel speaks to me today. Poorly Drawn Lines is the comic, in case you want to look it up yourself.
I created an online persona initially, back when you weren’t supposed to put your real info out on the internet, to help myself. To try to improve my abilities to talk to others and try to make friends.
Never used my real name here, will continue not to for the sake of my own privacy of course. I’ve had people who want to kill me pop up before, oddly enough.
I don’t know where I’m headed with my life, This is the most pathetic I’ve been since maybe early middle school? I talk to very few people at this point, I mostly keep […]
When I get angry, I keep it to myself mostly.
I’ve snapped on my parents sometimes when I felt they aren’t listening to me, but not many others.
I keep my issues to myself mostly. As it stands, I lack money to go to the doctor to get help. I can’t pay for a therapist or anything, and I’m in the loop where too sick to work > not enough money to treat said sickness > too sick to work.
It’s fun when you want to help yourself, when you want to be responsible and keep your sick ass at home, but […]
Between the lack of sleep, monetary bullshit, and somewhat self-imposed loner life I’d lived since after college and returning home, this is the most uncertain I’ve felt in my entire life.
Feels as if everyday I slip further and further into some form of madness. I did laugh and maniacally sing a stupid little rhyme about my own misfortunes a few weeks back, so there’s that.
I miss some of the wonder and appreciation for some of the specifics when I was a young teen mostly. Felt like the stuff I learned was actually useful and being applied toward what I wanted to do in life. I […]
Laughing at my own misfortune. Feeling completely misunderstood because I lack the ability to properly explain my own problems. How am I supposed to move forward like this? A part of me stopped caring long ago, and yet, I want some form of stability finally. I’ll just have to drag myself out of me, kicking and screaming then. Sigh.
I’ve already lost a lot of myself anyway… how will I do this when I can’t afford help? I don’t know.
Messed up too many times at this point. Between having to redo my A+ cert from the beginning now, to not having enough to support myself, to being unable to find another job or take care of my own health, I keep slipping. I’m getting more and more annoyed. I can’t even properly sell anything to make a little money, because the stuff I have is outdated and I can’t get a good price for anything. I’ve needed help for months now, but I don’t know how to ask without things going wrong. I’d had mini moments of giving up followed by giving up means […]
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