I have such an unhealthy attachment to this damn site… Had been away for years and I’m right back in the same mess I left. I was sitting here wondering why that is and it hit me. There are ghosts here of people who no longer exist. People who talked me down on more than one occasion. People who sent a tremendous outpouring of love to myself and eachother in times of need. Im not good with loss. Letting go has never been a strong skill of mine and the idea that maybe I couldve said goodbye if i had stayed here eats at me sometimes.
There’s a little corner in my heart full of cobwebs and spirits(peace be with them) dedicated to this place. Its decorated with memories of every time I stayed alive because of this place and the few times I almost didnt because of this place. I know it isn’t the same anymore, but if i have to choose between being here and sinking into the empty feeling of what it uses to be or being away and sinking into my grave… well.. i think I’ll probably get comfortable and stay a while if that’s okay?