Fire

so you’ve decided to give in to the breakdown? is that the final word on it?

from someone who’s been through one, I’m not sure that’s the best plan, I think there’s probably still some things you can do. Not that willpower is going to work, that ship has probably sailed.

but you’re still cogent, you’re capable of assessing. That’s something damn it. Do you want to wake up on your back in the hospital? It isn’t fun, again, been there.

You’ve got to find a stopgap, a way for someone in your life to help you steer this thing into a stall. That’s not getting better. You might have to quit a job, or school, or whatever you are doing, and such a move might feel like retreat. Again, a stall, not getting better. We’re trying to stop giving the fire fuel, and that fuel is stress if I’m getting the metaphor right. You have to get ahead and remove the fuel.

and maybe it doesn’t have to be that drastic, maybe you can take sick leave. It doesn’t matter what you have to tell people, it matters that you get the time and space you need to get your head together.

Though this is all my guess that you want someone to tell you to stop. You’ve got such low ego right now, life has hit you so hard, you need someone to tell you to sack up and do what need doing. That’s how I work. If I’m wrong…. well I’ll leave you with some lyrics that I always sing myself when I’m breaking down;

Down, down, down you go
No way to stop
As you fall, hear me call
No, no, no
Listen to this warning and
Consider these
Simple words of advice
Stop, stop, stop

Fogging the view, cupping face to the window
In darkness you make out a spiraling shape
Putting all reason aside you exchange
What you got for a thing that’s hypnotic and strange
The spiraling shape will make you go insane
(Everyone wants to see that groovy thing)
But everyone wants to see that groovy thing
(Everyone wants to see that thing)
And nobody knows what it’s really like
But everyone says it’s great
And they heard it from the spiral in their eyes
This could lead to excellence
Or serious injury
Only one way to know
Go, go, go
Go ahead, wreck your life
That might be good
Who can say what’s wrong or right?
Nobody can
Put out your hands and you fall through the window
And clawing at nothing you drop through the void
Your terrified screams are inaudible drowned
In the spiral ahead and consumed in the shape

That’s what it feels like, going insane, losing all meaning and submitting to madness
and I’ve done it that one time, that was enough for me.