I have become more and more isolated over time. It’s kind of an odd feeling because now I just have everything delivered to me whenever I need something. These days I work from home, so for the most part I can live a contactless existence. It’s an unusual place to be when you realize you don’t need to go anywhere. I always keep a tv on for background noise though, because I really can’t stand the stillness of pure silence. Which I suppose is kind of ironic considering how secluded I find myself these days. I wonder if I will ever really feel comfortable in the land of the living anymore? Maybe it’s irrelevant at this point.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
9 comments
it’s so interesting to me, what you’re describing is what I’m after, the ability not to even speak to anyone if I choose not to.
I’m in about the opposite, I have to talk to a lot of people right now. That’s my job. On the other hand, I get a lot of attention. I do like that.
On Friday work shut down, and we just talked all day. I was talking about people end up claiming to like whatever they’ve got, so we ended up claiming to enjoy the downtime even though it wasn’t something we’d ask for.
I think the reverse is true. I think we ask for stuff, we get it, then we complain about the thing we got. I wanted attention. I just got more of the wrong sort than I had hoped for, but not than I expected.
The truth is i’m not sure what I want right now. I guess I am just thinking out loud to work through my own feelings at the moment.
That’s my life. It’s not healthy. When I have energy I push myself to interact, because you need it. Human beings are not designed to be alone. Sadly, I’m all tapped out of energy lately
I know it isn’t healthy, that’s just where I am at the moment. Hopefully this feeling of malaise will pass.
I hope so. And I’d glad you have some insight, and you can see what’s healthy and not.
I have felt so low energy lately. Yesterday I had to go to a networking potluck. It took every ounce of strength to go shopping and cook something, then bring it to a function that I really didn’t want to be at. I wanted to back out, but since I only confirmed on the day, I just couldn’t think of a good enough excuse. And at a certain point, it’s easier to just do it than mentally cycle through the best way to get out of it.
On the way there I bumped into someone I knew who is really chipper and high energy, which sucked even more energy out of me. And then I had to smile and network and pretend to eat (I have no appetite lately). About halfway through it got easier. My smile became less fake, my naseau lessoned. It’s hard to mentally prepare for these things, but gets easier when in the flow of it. I know that, and that’s why I force myself.
Most people will never know how hard these simple things are for people like us. But you’re not alone. I get it.
I had 6 doctor’s appointments in June and i’m looking at another 5 in august. I am just feeling emotionally and mentally beaten up at the moment. I just feel a little trapped at this point.
I’m sorry. That sounds really shit. I hope you get a bit of air
I understand where you’re coming from. I’d been feeling listless, trying to make something of myself but lost out on friendships and a good relationship due to my own decisions…
I’m slowly accepting that I’ll be alone in my later years, and just trying to get to the point where I can just be okay with that.
Solitude isn’t a bad thing, but the loneliness in general is just insane. How can we be so much more globally connected but feel so much more alone in general?
I wonder, would any of us be happier without the internet access we have? Forced to actually take bigger parts in our local communities and the like? Part of me thinks I’d have been better off without it to a degree, and yet, I would’ve have met some people that kept me going in a really rough time without it, so I don’t know.
Food for thought mostly.
It’s kind of unusual because when I was younger up until maybe I was 30, I was very outgoing and maybe even a little popular. But in the time since then I have slowly begun to wall myself out of society. I didn’t realize at first that’s what I was doing, but I can see it now. I’m not angry with anyone, I don’t hate anyone. I’m just unhappy.