I feel completely hollowed out today. I suppose that’s not fair, because this feeling has been growing with intense ferocity over time. I’m not even really sure what to do anymore, i’ve lost interest in most of the things I used to do, or my vision is so poor now I just can’t do them anymore. The best, case scenario is that I have around 4 surgeries lined up in the future, if i’m even around that long, but even then, the complications and outlook of those are not incredibly optimistic. So, I just kind of feel like everything is a noose slowly tightening in around my neck right now. I just really hate feeling this way.
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I’m sorry you’re feeling that. Solidarity, I’m right there with you. What things did you used to do that you lost interest in?
I used to adore drawing in mixed media. I almost always drew my pictures in pen so I couldn’t erase the mistakes. It used to be one of my favorite things, but I haven’t been able to do that in 15 years. I recently had to stop playing videogames. I am an avid retro collector who loved finding super odd and obscure games from the 80’s and 90’s nobody’s ever heard of. It was hard to put that stuff down. I can barely watch tv, but I have to be really close these days. So, I mostly end up just listening more than watching it.
It must be hard to be a visual creative loosing your sight. I can’t empathize with you, only sympathize greatly. Creative outlets are so important. Are you musical at all? I heard a podcast about an obscure 90s game about slavery called Freedom, do you know it? Podcasts are a decent tv replacement I find
I listen to a few podcasts these days. However, i’ve been listening to obscure movie reviews a lot more as of lately on youtube. It keeps my brain distracted. And as far as the game goes, I don’t think so? Do you know what it was on?
I couldn’t find the podcast, but I found another one, about a bizarre racist, sexist very early video game. I guess in the early days of gaming it was a free-for-all…
https://slate.com/podcasts/decoder-ring/2021/12/custers-revenge-racist-sexist-trolling
Interesting, i’ve seen snip its of Custer’s Revenge before. It was an unlicensed game made for the old Atari system. A bunch of these weird pornographic games were made for the system by random independent developers. There’s a lot of weird stuff out there for sure. And no, I don’t own any of this stuff.