Might have fucked up

I’m writing my will. It’s just a good thing to do, especially if you’re contemplating suicide. No loose ends.

I own a little flat, and I’ve been thinking for a while of leaving it to a friend’s daughter. I don’t want to leave it to my family, they all have property. Not that I know a lot about my friend’s financial situation, but I don’t think he’s been that lucky in life. And also, I have a bit of guilt around owning property on colonized land. My friend is indigenous, the way I see it, I was only ever borrowing the land anyway. If I’m going to give it away, it may as well go to back to an indigenous person.

My friend, lets call him Dipshit (not his real name just how I think of him sometimes)… we’re not that close. Not anymore. We were best friends, then dated in high school. Then I skipped town, and he ghosted me for 13 years. He’s never told me why (hence, Dipshit). After 13 years I tracked him down, via other friends from high school. It was a mission. He never gave me an explanation, and I know better than to push him. We hung out again when I was in town and it was just like old times. But I live on the other side of the world, and neither of us are great at keeping in touch. The last time I was in my home town, I tried to see him and he refused. He was going through something and wouldn’t see me. Pissed me off, since I only go to my home town like every 10 years, so for him not to see me hurt, but he was trying to deal with his alcoholism so I get it.

Anyway, I texted him that I was writing my will and I wanted his daughter’s name, because I want to leave the flat to her. And he reacted… kinda melodramatically. I didn’t see his message for a few hours, and in that time he seemed really stressed. So I texted him back as soon as I saw the message. We had a chat. He thought I was sick or dying or something, he was really freaking out. I explained writing a will was just something that’s good to do, and he should do it, especially since he’s got a kid. But… I was crying, so…. there’s that. But I still thought I managed to convince him.

But an hour after we got off the phone, he texted me ‘You’re not going to do anything stupid are you?’ I’m glad he texted that, because I immediately burst into tears, and if we’d been speaking I don’t think I could have kept my shit together. It’s a weird relationship we have. We’ve not spoken for most of our adult lives, but there’s still this thing, where we know each other really well, scarily well, like two sides of the same coin. Maybe because we were bonded during those really traumatic high school years. I wouldn’t have survived that time without him, that’s for sure.

Anyway. It’s a strange line we walk, trying to protect the ones we love without raising red flags. I really didn’t think writing a will was such a big deal. If anything, I thought Dipshit would be more surprised that I wanted to leave his daughter my flat, since we’re not that close, but I didn’t get any questions about that at all. I don’t think there’s anything he can do from another country but it’s still a bit of a worry.