Standing on the street smoking a cigarette, a young man tries to bum one off me, but I don’t have the pack on me so I share it with him. We chit chat, some things he says are confusing and I assume he’s not all with it. We commiserate about being unemployed, he asks me “What are your dreams?” Kind of a deep question for 5 mins of chitchat. The kind of question only ever asked by people who have dreams of their own. It’s also the kind of aspirational sentiment you get in North America which I will never get used to. In my […]
I asked my best friend yesterday if he knew I suffered from depression. He said I might have mentioned it in passing. This sounds about right – i tend to mention when I’m doing well that I suffer, to let people know I understand. I get the impression people usually don’t believe me because I don’t ‘look’ like I’m depressed in the moment. When I am depressed, I tend to hide and not let anyone see it. But I’ve always wondered, maybe I’m not so good at hiding as I think I am? Maybe some people figured it out. But he told me I seemed […]
Sorry for posting again. I just feel like I have today to get it all out because I’ve got to go be social tomorrow and I can’t be an emotional basketcase.
I started therapy a few months ago. I was on a whole self-improvement kick, after the failure of my relationship I wanted to know what I could do differently. My therapist hasn’t really given many suggestions but the sessions have mostly been me telling her my life story and why I’m so fucked up, and there’s a lot, so maybe she just hasn’t had time. Or maybe her role is just a sympathetic ear. I’m […]
I used to come here a lot about a decade ago. I wonder if any of the people I used to talk to are still here. It’s changed, the interface is different and all my posts seem to be deleted. In the years since I browse now and then, tried to post one but a bug in the system prevented me from doing that.
But I’m back. inevitable I guess. I guess it just makes me feel less alone. And the scream in the void and not suffer blowback.
In the past 10 years, I spent about 5 of them clawing my way out of the […]