Why is it so difficult?

it’s hard coded and in there deep. Plus it has a lot of society forces propping it up.

Wanting to die has no chance at the outset. It goes against most natural instincts. There wouldn’t be so much literature on it if people could just go and do it, but it’s one of the most documented illicit acts in the history of our species. Why? Because it’s so hard to do. We document trying, to help others who are also trying.

I think it has to be cold fire if you want to go, mood wise. You have to be ready, it has to be all planned out, even if it doesn’t work this time you have to be ready to try again. Getting to that place isn’t easy, as an emotional challenge. Those people and the impulse people have the highest rate of success.

and, well we’re here talking, you aren’t an impulse type, sorry. I wasn’t either.

I kinda take a more spiritual bent, so tune out if that sort of thing offends; I think you have to befriend your demon. I think you and your demon have to hash it out. You have to be ready to join hands with the demon and go into the sunset, then maybe you can go.

Literal demon? not exactly, but that voice that wants to die? It’s irrational and selfish, and unavoidably human, that’s what the church defines as demonic. You’d have to embrace that part of yourself.

It’s like admitting that there’s just too much pain. It’s a shameful moment, but it’s a door to go through before the end.

Oh, but if your means had any chemistry to it, alcohol could bugger the whole thing up. People forget that all the time. Alcohol changes blood chemistry which….. I won’t subject you to the biochemistry but it makes every interaction different so doseage goes screwy.

So cost/benefit alcohol rarely pans out. I heard about a man who’s blood made it’s own alcohol, and he had some trouble because of that. He was Belgian, and worked in a brewery. They thought he was driving under the influence but turns out that’s just him being him.