life is negative

i recently converted to nontrinitarian christianity in secrecy of my family. my mom is abusive, she yells, throws stuff and hurts me. my sister is annoying as hell and i want to drop her, she always pushes her bigoted views on me even though i don’t give a shit. she can get lost with her views. recently, my siblings have been forcing me to pray to my ex-religion which i hate (reasons being that it has left me in so much pain, wanted me gone and changed and has flaws i’ve managed to see through). now, its been hell having to hear this every. single. time. my sister’s a snitch and tells my mom almost everything i say, soo i don’t trust her. the only therapy i have is through the comfort of my friends and a hotline which is miles away, im uncomfortable with calling because people can hear me talk. i’m an alien among people of the same ethnicity as me, i moved back to my torn country due to the cost of living and it’s hurt tons. my parents don’t believe in mental health unless they get affected which is why i’ve never told them “hey, i might have depression (or autism or anxiety or im just insane)”.