I have lost 42 lbs. since the middle of May and I thought I would be happier with the results, but i’m not. I am 166 lbs. right now but for some reason I don’t feel significantly better. My blood pressure has stabilized dramatically which is definitely a positive thing, but I still feel oddly unsatisfied. I walk for around an hour and a half every evening to clear my head and just kind of keep my metabolism still working somewhat. But not even that brisk level of intermediate walking helps me feel better.
I spent 2 hours last night rearranging my game room even though my vision has gotten to a point that I can only play games in very short bursts. I still continue to collect old retro games it provides me with a tiny amount of satisfaction. But as I was dusting and wiping things off in my game room last night it dawned on me why this aspect of my life had become so important to me. As my vision grew worse with each passing year my control over the situation had grown more out of my control over time. I realized the diet and the collecting had been my brain trying to reassert control over something that it could not manage otherwise. So, it had replaced it with things it could feasibly manage. I imagine a lot of us do things like this, it just takes a while to realize it sometimes. I suppose a side benefit is that i’m building equity through some rarer antiquities, so, that’s nice I guess…
2 comments
Well congrats on the weight loss and I’m glad to hear your BP normalized….it’s great news for someone like me as I’m in the same boat.
God I don’t understand how I just let myself go, gaining weight year after year. I’m average height and need to also lose about 40 lbs. I was well built in university, had a 6 pack and all.
What’s also really tragic is that I took no photos of myself/body at my best…this was before cell phones existed. But in other pics you could tell I was pretty fit.
Now I still have the broad shoulders, but am clearly overweight….but then I went through my own personal hell in life and couldn’t really look after my body…just trying to deal with all the serious problems I had.
A part of me wants to get back in shape and try to live some of my best/glory days or just call it quits. I lay a lot of the blame on a bad life on my scummy father…but what does it matter now? How can someone give you back decades of your life that they wrecked because they were too stupid to see your abilities and put you on a bad path?
I talked to my dad about that last year and he said he was sorry for everything, as if it makes up for his evil bullying behavior at the time and wrecking my opportunity for jobs and other things.
Anyways, I’m veering off course a bit and it isn’t something I haven’t mentioned before here. Sorry to hear about your vision problems, maybe see a doctor to find out if its possible to fix.
For me personally if my vision goes, so do I…everything I do in life, like my job is wrapped around seeing.
While it’s imperfect and still has a long way to go to be a good system in Canada, I’m still glad at least we have maid….because I think there will be a time I’ll need it…it seems my life probably won’t get too much better as I hoped so I think by the time I hit my 60s, unless there is a huge improvement in my life, I’ll check out.
For context, I am 5’7ish, so losing 40 lbs was a noticeable change to my physique. Health-wise I felt better it’s just mentally I felt the same.
There is an actor named Everett Sloane whom I learned about a longtime ago. He had glaucoma too. So, in 1965 he went to a nice little cabin away from everybody else, wrote a note and overdosed on barbiturates. He sighted his impending vision loss as a reason for vacating the earth and unfortunately, I understand him all too well. As a side note, I know it seems silly but i’ve also always been kind of scared of the dark. So, the idea of permanent blindness scares me more than the unkown void of the afterlife.
Soda, thank you for listening. Explaining my thought process helps me cope with the fatalistic journey i’m on.