How do I even fix myself when I am the problem?

I mean, there’s this me within the husk of abused flesh that I now must wear every day that wants to encourage you, but that’s the wrong move actually.

So you’re a mess. Because of your weight? As valid a reason as any other. Lady came into the office and told me she was having to give up her life to take care of her daughter who had brain cancer that they couldn’t operate on. Now that’s a spicy burden pudding eh?!

not that it’s a burden contest. I have worse stories if it was.

Agony all around, we’re all struggling to find worth in ourselves…… but death doesn’t come any easier now does it?

I think more of us need to own being the problem. Maybe the world….. needs problems. It’s the conclusion I’m starting to come to. Who would they be, minus us? I’d love to see it. Who would we be if we didn’t feel like the problem? Also an interesting thing to ponder.

It probably won’t happen. Powerless vs control, that’s the key to the whole thing. Do you think you have control over whether you are the problem? I don’t. Not anymore, I tried to take that control. Shows me for trying to rise above my station.

So if I am, by nature and not by decision a deplorable and unwelcome creature, and this is an irredeemable state…… how I feel about it doesn’t even enter into it.

So I decided why should I bother to care. The devil doesn’t care that God hates him. I assume. He’s always trying to trick God, or am I thinking of Bugs Bunny? Either way, tricksters gotta trickster, foil has got to foil. You play the hand you’re dealt.

I just don’t think it’s any more complicated than that. I think people pretend that they can grab more control than that, but come on, not in THIS economy, with THESE people. It would take a force on the level of Martin Luther to get that to happen. The church doesn’t have it within it anymore, no organization has people that committed to morality anymore.

Oh, it would also take a plague on the scale of the black death, but that actually seems like it’s still a 50/50 shot what with climate change and the state of healthcare/workplace safety. That was the double punch that gave us the enlightenment period, and that died somewhere in the 1980s. Disease and reorganization of faith around what the people wanted.

Man talk about burdens, there’s the prize winner; share croppers, who had to pay their lords before they got to eat, so half the years they didn’t, well they didn’t eat much apart from dirt. That’s what we have to look forward to, isn’t that fun? In today’s world it’s called a commission only job.