As time goes on, I noticed my coping mechanisms/stalling tactics become less effective. In the very cores of life, things like eating, gaming, sleeping lose not only meaning but enjoyment. As for love and pleasure, I know my heart is too diseased to form any meaningful attachment while pleasure and pain are equal in their numbness. Even the realization of the mental trauma my death would leave is slowly losing power over stopping me.
My question is how can one keep going when they can no longer delude themselves into staying?
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4 comments
Ya, dat be instinct, bruddah.
Depression fucks you up so bad. I’m slowly losing interest in things I used to like a lot more, like wrestling for example. Games too, I don’t really care for them all that much at this point.
we keep going only bc doing nothing but waking up to another shit day in a shit life is the default option. taking action requires us being motivated and not depressed enough to actually do something about it. and most of us depressed sacks of potatoes just aren’t motivated enough to spring into action.
That’s the million, dollar question, isn’t it? I suppose we all lose hope or urgency or the will to exist at varying degrees. Reaching that point is a very personal journey that only you have the answer too. Have you formed a will? Have you given away or sold off most of your possessions at all? Have you walled yourself off from any personal attachments recently? Have you taken any direct actions to prepare to exit the world? If you haven’t reached any of these points yet, then I wouldn’t worry too much. Most self-inflicted exits are impulsive and unplanned. Or if you’ve reached a point of pure ambivalence like I have, then welcome to where i’m at. Misery loves company.