I’m so irritated as of late

It’s a couple of things that have me feeling this way, a lot of shit that’s happened in the last few weeks. Between all the storms, someone I love gone, losing interest in things I used to enjoy. Idk, I’m just finding myself getting angrier and angrier lately.

I never have answers to improve my overall situation. I have to just sit here and stew because I’m so angry.

I don’t know why I even watch the videos I watch on youtube. I’ve lost my sense of self, and was reading a self help book on how to find that sense of self I lost about ten years ago now. I don’t know what’s wrong with me in general, but bringing people down around me, disappointing them as well, is not the answer.

I’m finding all I can do is distract myself. I’d reconnected with my best friend and it was nice to catch up and talk again, but now I just feel like I’m wasting everyone’s time.

I’m too damaged, mostly in my own head, to properly maintain relationships. I have memory quirks (I remember people and faces, but can’t bring up specific memories with them a lot of the tine) so I feel like a lot of moments in my life, I remember incorrectly or unreliably at this point. I remember things about people, but memories about some things we’d done together is where I’m at a loss most of the time.

This has to stop. I can’t keep going like this.