Toolbox

I was able to cut myself. I wanted to see if I was serious about this. I just needed some sign. It was with the box cutter in the toolbox. Of course I tried to do more and pointed it at my throat. Couldn’t do it. Such a meaningless show for nobody. I shorted 3 voltage regulators. 3. The pieces are so braindead simple. Just 4 wires that need to be soldered. But of course I can’t even do that right. I don’t know where the short is. I checked but couldn’t find it. It was on the palm of my hand. Looks like a paper cut. But in a strange way I was satisfied. Not much, but still. There’s still time to make good on my promise. Killing myself at 25. Not 26 yet. Little more than 2 months to go. I just need something to push me off that ledge. I’ve been racking my brain trying to find it. But it just won’t come to me. I don’t understand why. Just need to inch closer to that ledge. Some how. Even if I have to claw my way to it. I can’t struggle for much longer. Something has to give.