Every year I dive ever deeper into the wonders of our wide scope of Christmas media and add a few more movies to the pile. I don’t like to repeat all of my past discoveries, because some of them are bad and others have already done their job. I have a complicated relationship with the season, this year being unemployed I’m medium cranky. I have a strong love for Christmas horror and bad movies though, and this year like every year delivered both.
I guess that’s where I’ll start,
The Mean One (2022)
It’s a bad movie and a horror movie at the same time! It’s also perhaps the most satisfying slasher I have watched in awhile. See, the Grinch turned into a tiny hearted killer who kills in response to anything remotely Christmas related. This small town has been trying to keep that on the down low. Only, it doesn’t work and he goes on this huge spree in the movie.
Cindy Lou’s mom dies in the intro, because she came downstairs to discover the Grinch pretending to be Santa and attacked him unprovoked. The Grinch didn’t do anything, this was a hate crime. However, this was the inciting incident of him turning murderer, and then he kills Cindy’s dad, and now Cindy has a revenge thing going.
All building up to a big showdown, and of course good truimphs over “evil” but for how long?
Unlicenced parody at it’s finest, I give The Mean One 4 out of 5 Bells.
From stabbery to the most 90s pallet cleanser there will ever be;
Christmas Carol The Musical (2004)
Kelsey Grammer stars as Scrooge opposite Jason Alexander as Marley and Alan Menken does the score. So you’ve got Frasier, Seinfeld and Little Mermaid run together and that’s just to start. It’s an incredibly catchy musical that gets carried away with itself. Jason Alexander is my new favorite Marley. Oh this one is so bad it circles back around again.
Pausing for a minute for an oldie but a goodie, a television show that I think should be watched every holiday season; Happy! The first episode starts with a suicide fantasy by the main character, my kind of holiday. Ex cop Nick Sacks tries to find his daughter who was kidnapped by psycho Santa in New York City. It’s on Netflix if you want to see it.
Speaking of psycho Santa
He Sees You When Your Sleeping (2024)
Crazy santa kills young kids parents, so the kid ends up in a series of mental institutions. Flash forward a few decades and grown kid comes home to cousin and aunt living in his house because they had nowhere else to go. His girlfriend is acting very strange and there’s a strange man dressed like Santa stalking around, and people start to die. Classic holiday horror as it should be, I love this stuff.
Vincent Price reads Christmas Carol
Vincent Price is just a delight any time of the year. I’m infinutely sad I never got to meet him. He was one of the most sweet human beings there ever was. The acting to go along with it is subpar and the video quality is meh, but Vincent Price is a treasure. He just overflows with the milk of human kindness.
I’ll close out with some of my classic recommendations;
Ice Harvest (2005)
Wonderful dark comedy with murder, double crosses and people who just don’t want to be where they are.
Fatman (2020)
Here’s a twist, someone sets out to kill Santa! This time Santa is played by Mel Gibson. I probably watch this one three or four times a year. He’s also somehow kind of still the road warrior.
A Christmas Horror Story (2015)
This one is a collection of stories, mostly taking place in an imaginary town called Bailey Downs. William Shatner plays a DJ on a holiday shift who is horrified by everything going on. No one else really of note in the cast.
So there you go, if you’ve got the holiday blues this might just do it. Holiday horror is usually just the egg nog I need. Next year I expect I’ll add Terrifier 3, though so far those movies are a bit too much.