I’m wondering if most of us here feel like we’re failures/losers/lagging behind everyone else?
It sure is the case for me- I was on the up and up- did everything I needed to- and then…lost my confidence, reeled into depression, lost more confidence, reeled into worse depression, leading to losing more confidence, leading to a bottomless pit of depression.
I fucked up- I shouldn’t have quit back then- I haven’t been able to pick myself up since. And I had a slew of shit happen since then, which wouldn’t have happened had I not made the fateful mistake/decision.
Yes I know, none of us have a crystal ball, but I feel like I keep fucking up and making all the wrong decisions, and my confidence and happiness in myself have disappeared.
Not sure how to change the course of my life…
Not sure what the “right moves” are now…
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To answer your question: definitely. Yet I try not to be too hard on myself since I’m aware I’ve been through some shit – in fact, that’s probably the reason why I can’t seem to keep up. It feels awful regardless, but there’s not much else I can do to avoid getting depressed.
Yes some decisions can be pivotal in our lives, but they don’t have to be ‘terminal.’ It’s important to learn from them, but also to adapt, change and reach your goals in other ways.
I think it’s also key to stay healthy and fit…have regular exercise as a part of your life, because if you lose your health (or get fat/out of shape), your looks go, you develop other health problems needing drugs, you may develop back pain like I have and then that could add to that downward spiral you spoke about.
Mental health is just as important too. I was really angry at my dad for many years because he interfered in my life in negative ways that set me on a bad path.
It was only until I was facing flunking university that I realized being depressed and being mad at him was only causing me to suffer and he didn’t give a damn anyways. So that was my turning point because I knew I was not going to go through with suiicide….and it was the right decision at the time.
I wish I had some wise mentors…I was in bad need of good counseling…but even seeing a therapist didn’t help.
I continued on a wrong track for a long time and was looking for a shortcut out of my situation…and although I had the right ideas, my life wasn’t in the right place to move forward with some plans I had.
Ofc once you’re older it’s all crystal clear in hindsight where you effed up…what you could’ve done instead. When I was in my 20s and I heard of people stuck being bartenders or other lower level jobs in their 40s/50s…I really didn’t want to end up that way either…and tried to improve my career options.
Would I say we are fated to end up in a bad life and never find success/happiness? No I don’t believe that anyone or anything is holding us down…it’s all about decisions, some lead to good outcomes, some bad…but the point is to keep trying.
For example, we could buy a lottery ticket tomorrow and get rich…it’s just sheer luck…there wasn’t anything about us that caused that to happen.
Same thing for being at the right place and the right time…or vice versa.
But I do agree that if depression and other issues come into play, it can be a negative feedback loop or spiral…and the key is to break out of that depression. How I did it was just to change my thinking, hitting the gym hard and re-dedicating myself to my goals.
That at least got me to finish my degree…but it was still really hard to find work in my field. Mind you, had I graduated one year sooner, everyone who got their degree was immediately hired by a local company in my field. Meaning I would’ve been in my field and after a few years earning 6 figures like my friends were.
Instead I missed that boat and life put me on a shiity path. However I haven’t given up yet…and something I’ve been working on for a while might pay off. I came close, but it’s going to take some luck. If it does work out then I’ll be making up for lost time.
At the end of the day though I think people who are not financially well off, not well connected, cannot give their kids a great income in their future, really have no business having kids. And if they have a lot of negative attributes they’ll pass on to their kids, shouldn’t reproduce.
This is no life…trying to chase a dollar, or being a wage-slave, losing your health, looks, wasting your life all to just get some basics like a house that’s paid for and a stable life.
I mean there were some good things I experienced but really it means little if you don’t have a good amount of money in your bank…it’s just a wasted life.
I’ve been up and I’ve been down. Right now it’s a bit of both. I got fired last month, really hard not to take that personally. This fudging state, I’ve had just about all I can take of it.
I’ve been saying that for years, but it seems like this time I really mean it. That I’ve exausted all the employment options around here and am ready for the change. These last four years every time I said to someone that I abandoned my education and people asked why, I’d say because of the pandemic, they’d encourage me to go back.
Well I just ran out of excuses. There’s nothing better left to do. No one else who wants me more.
So am I a failure? Broadly speaking yes, but so is everyone. All humans are failures, and if they say they aren’t they’re probably lying about it. I had those friends who went to school straight out of high school, got married, had kids, life worked out great….. and I never spoke to them again.
maybe their lives really are that great, who knows?
The vast majority of people are like us, making the best of it, plan C didn’t work out to plan, on to plan D…. except for my plan D is my plan B dressed up in different clothes. Or they don’t get back up, that’s common enough as well, saw that a lot at my old job.
I’m not allowed to just sit down and stop…. not right now anyway. You guys realize that right? If I tried to my wife and family would kick me right back into gear. I’d never get away with it. I’d be totally fine with stopping at this point, the closest I can get away with is grad school.
I’m as burnt out and pissed off at the economy as I’ve ever been, it doesn’t work, it doesn’t need me, and I got fired from the only job I was good at in it. For having a smoke on a break, for pity sake what a laugh.
I keep coming back to this song by Waylon Jennings; “Never could Toe the Line”, and it really says it, because as accomodating as I can be, I never could conform hard enough. I talked about it with my family over Christmas, and I think that’s my big failure. It goes back to childhood, it has never been something I was capable of.
The thing about Waylon Jennings is that I don’t think people listened to him about it. I think he had to fight his way through the world. I think that’s why he died young. I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to try and be a square peg in a round hole.
I don’t want to be a failure, and I don’t want to be seen that way. However if I don’t get out of this state that treats me like that, how is that ever going to change?
what state is it and is it really that bad? and at least you have an excuse and it’s your state. vs well, i suppose i kinda fucked up my own life + the universe sprinkling a topping of shit on my life cupcake. sigh…