Neither do I honestly. My talk with my advisor yesterday went ok. Nothing too notable. He gave me the usual spiel of how he’d love to have me for the program and how I’m very earnest or some shit. Don’t remember exactly what he said. He did say that funding is going to be an issue. Which is true. I’m asking late in the game just like last semester. I’m playing catch up for a lot of things. Who knew planning to kill yourself would screw yourself that bad. My own damn fault. Probably could have figured out something if I was more focused or driven. IDK. I think he was so amicable and telling me all this because he knows I can’t do it. But I still have to apply. Don’t know where I’ll get to money or if I can even do it or anything like that. I do know actually. I can’t do any of it. But I’m still going to try. In a way I do wish he had been more honest. Maybe being told I wouldn’t make it might change my mind. Maybe it wouldn’t. All I know was that nothing of note happened during the talk. Just two uncomfortable men bullshitting each other.
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