I realised that it’s time to accept who I am, and I don’t need to follow anyone else’s footsteps. I need to be free from my parents’ expectations and live the life that I want to. People can’t change me, but I will still put myself out there, even if my actions look weird to people.
I was having a conversation with my mother and grandmother and they revealed something about me when I was a child. My grandmother told me that I used to play with her cards and rings and lay them on the ground, almost organising and placing them in a certain way. Then my mother told me that I used to literally run away from certain foods, because I didn’t like them. Also, when I was done playing with my toys, I would immediately pack them, almost as if I would have violated something if I would not have.
Although I was a very picky eater and only ate like 2 dishes, this does seem quite strange at least to me. I have a sneaky suspicion that I might be on the spectrum. But it’s just confusing to me because I also went to speech therapy and I’m just realising this now, but they never bothered to get me tested? How can they not see it? Maybe I’ve developed this mask all along. I do not know.