Robot problems as usual, but I’m tired of complaining about that so I’ll complain about this. Passed somebody on the street today. Had to do a double take. She looked just like her. Or at least how I remember her. Every time I think about her, I try to remember the last time I did before. They are starting to be further and further apart. But I still think about her from time to time. I don’t feel anything for her anymore. Nothing. Not sadness or anger or longing or whatever. Simply nothing. But I still did a double take when I saw that woman today. It’s been about a year and a half since I finally stopped. Last text I sent her was a birthday one this past year and I struggled on weather or not to do it. Just “Happy Birthday” and I closed the conversation immediately. Otherwise I’d probably just stare at it. I held on for more than 5 years. More than half a decade. Caring about someone who couldn’t really put in the effort to care about me. Constantly worrying about her, thinking I did something wrong, or that I wasn’t good enough. She never really cared about me. Not beyond a casual friendly sort of way. Being so dependent on her that way. That need to simply be talked to and acknowledged. It was sad. I refuse to ever be that way again. For anyone. Keeping these emotions in check, staying away from people, it’s the only way to stay sane. I hate that I care about what the others in the lab think. I hate that just a slight change in tone or the potential of someone losing interest bothers me so much. I hate how I have to play the scenarios over and over in my head to try and gauge what they meant or didn’t mean. I refuse to be bond by something like that again. You want to know the funniest thing though? I bet she hasn’t thought of me once in years.
1 comment
Letting go of people who uave let you go is so difficult when its one-sided. When you dont want to let go. Im sorry youre in this situation. Heartbreak is no fun.
Im sure you dont need me to say it, but the sooner you let go of what wont work, the sooner you have room for something that will work.
Youre a very intelligent person, and you have qualities someone will want. Theres someone out there for you.