Not doing it again

Robot problems as usual, but I’m tired of complaining about that so I’ll complain about this. Passed somebody on the street today. Had to do a double take. She looked just like her. Or at least how I remember her. Every time I think about her, I try to remember the last time I did before. They are starting to be further and further apart. But I still think about her from time to time. I don’t feel anything for her anymore. Nothing. Not sadness or anger or longing or whatever. Simply nothing. But I still did a double take when I saw that woman today. It’s been about a year and a half since I finally stopped. Last text I sent her was a birthday one this past year and I struggled on weather or not to do it. Just “Happy Birthday” and I closed the conversation immediately. Otherwise I’d probably just stare at it. I held on for more than 5 years. More than half a decade. Caring about someone who couldn’t really put in the effort to care about me. Constantly worrying about her, thinking I did something wrong, or that I wasn’t good enough. She never really cared about me. Not beyond a casual friendly sort of way. Being so dependent on her that way. That need to simply be talked to and acknowledged. It was sad. I refuse to ever be that way again. For anyone. Keeping these emotions in check, staying away from people, it’s the only way to stay sane. I hate that I care about what the others in the lab think. I hate that just a slight change in tone or the potential of someone losing interest bothers me so much. I hate how I have to play the scenarios over and over in my head to try and gauge what they meant or didn’t mean. I refuse to be bond by something like that again. You want to know the funniest thing though? I bet she hasn’t thought of me once in years.