I’ve decided not to apply for Fall semester grad school, which was my plan for my life.
So, here I am, without a plan. I can’t do what my degree is in, not in this state. I’ve worked for every hospital in the city. I can’t figure out how to afford this move, and without that, I can’t figure out how to have any kind of future.
My parents solution, optimists that they are, is to go back to work. My dad seriously thought I could deliver for Amazon. That’s hilarious. My back couldn’t handle being an electrician, which is WAAAAAY less strain than working as a delivery driver. I have a buddy who went to work for Fed-Ex and it almost put him in the hospital. I can’t work a standing job ever again, I realized that two years ago. I realized I couldn’t do a full time driving job sometime in my 20s.
Geez though, IF I were sober, I could go do utility locates. That group is always hiring, and it’s a sweet gig. You just have to pass a DOT physical, which I can’t because cannabis is an automatic failure.
I guess I could try and wheedle my way into working for a utility again, non safety related. I hate the private sector with such a passion. When a company has a public contract, at least so far in my career, it means they have to do all kinds of decent things, like obey certain safety standards, and pay people. You get out in the rest of the economy those aren’t sure things.
Just…. IF there is a higher power out there, what is he or she or whatever waiting for huh? I’ve endured enough, I think. I really would like to move on with my life, but I don’t have ideas for that to happen here. Maybe I shouldn’t Expect a miracle, that’s too much I guess. I just….. had the impression God loved me. Oh well, it won’t be the first tiime I was wrong.
What is the point of making me good with kids, if you’re going to make such a point of depriving me my own family??!!! That’s just sadistic. Everybody just assumes that I’m a father, because it’s how I come off…. but I can’t, because this state kicked me in the daddy bits and won’t stop. I’d like to know what it’s like to live somewhere that doesn’t DO THAT! IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?! Yes apparently…….
No one that cares about me has the resources, and no one that has the resources seems to care.
What am I supposed to do here?! I’m asking for reasonable options. I’m not going to be able to go flip burgers or work at a convenience store. I know those are things that could be done, physically, but they’d wear me down so fast it would never pay out. I need a job that is going to give me a year or so of work, and pay enough to be worth sticking with that long. Talk about fantasies.
I don’t think Oklahoma can provide that, but I’d love to be wrong.
2 comments
I see a couple options: 1. If you cant do what your degree is in in your state, Id consider moving. 2. Spend a few weeks getting sober and then apply for that job that cannabis DQs you for. Theres a third option, and that option is to change your mind and apply for the fall semester. But…you know your life better than I do. You will make better decisions for yourself than I could ever.
I envy your freedom
I loved being in uni…though the studying was brutal…but still being in that environment was so fulfilling…I could’ve almost made a life of it, but wasn’t too interested in teaching.
I might go back for my master’s in the future…but probably philosophy or something easy.
Ya physical jobs are hard for the body, I don’t think I can take it either…I learned the cushy jobs are office related…esp after you get your foot in the door you can get something better paying.
Like call center’s are shiit but if you go to a bank or big company then you can easily move around after…govt jobs are also crap but here in Canada they pay well…but they’re no longer as easy to get as they used to be.
If you are able to get a medical degree, dentist, GP, surgeon…chances are the banks will pay you fully for it, because they’re low risk, high payback. I’ve seen kids get approved for $100k unsecured loans if they’re med students….also govt student loans might cover too.
I found my way out of the rat race and I was always on the right track for decades, it’s just that I was never in a position to take advantage. I realized I was right all along in what I was shooting for…but where I live is ruining my goals right now so I’m planning to move hopefully spring/summer if all goes well.
Once I’m in a better place, I should be able to focus on my side-gig and finally light the rocket to the next level in my life…but I shouldn’t get ahead of myself…still it’s nice to be ‘vindicated’ to know you have the talent/skills to succeed in a certain area…where not many can.
It seems you’re knowledgeable about a lot of things…the key is to think it through…think long term where you’d like to be, then how to get there.
Like the med school thing I mentioned-if that’s something you can succeed at, then it’s just a matter of getting the money. If your family can’t support you, hopefully where you live, you have loans like we do here (as aforementioned).
If you’re sol for med school and you can do trades, focus on something you like. In my case, I couldn’t get into my chosen field but I always had a lower level back up office job and that’s what has been paying the bills for me for a long time.
If I was a religious man, I’d think the world was against me or the devil is trying to make me fail in life, because I’ve always come close to getting successful but have been fk’d over by life problems.
But I’m not superstitious and I think we all make our own fate…and I’m hoping this year will be the turnaround I’ve waited for my whole life, time will tell to use the cliche.