Someone jumped off my bridge not long ago. It’s not a popular suicide spot despite being a 200ft drop to icy water with a swift current that sucks you out to sea. Often the bodies are never found, and that’s why I picked it as my bridge. No survivors have been reported.
I just don’t get the point of being alive, and when you mix that with a painful existence it’s a no brainer. Literally 1+1 = suicide. No one can tell you the point of living; they can tell you their point of living but no one can tell you yours. That would be like someone telling you what your favorite song or movie or book is. No one can tell you what it feels like to jump off a bridge either. One or 2 survivors (other bridges) can tell you how they felt, but again that’s them.
I must’ve watched the documentary The Bridge half a dozen times. Each person jumps differently. Falls differently. Everyone has a different story, a different reason.
There was a girl who jumped off a bridge, survived, then went right back and jumped off again. Second time was a charm. She must’ve had a damn good reason.
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Using a bridge would appeal to me (the higher the better) because I used to skydive — almost got my license until pre-existing injuries prevented me from continuing. I’d exit this world very happy, because there’s no feeling like it, the rush impossible to describe! However, my number one priority is that no one finds my body, and the bridge method has a high chance of violating that unless I went to some area in Asia or Africa where they probably wouldn’t bother too much with identification. But that’s too much research to find and actually get to any isolated place there, and I really don’t know for sure that they wouldn’t try hard to identify me regardless. I know it’s irrational to care for something like that when I won’t exist anymore, but that’s the way it is for me.
Skydiving sounds amazing, it’s one of those things (like wingsuiting) that I wish I had the opportunity to do. I guess jumping off a bridge will be close enough. I worked briefly in construction and learned quickly that I don’t have any fear of heights, so this seems to be something I’m cut out for.
Like you I’m also intent on leaving no body. I’ve thought about kayaking into the ocean and offing myself there, but when the time comes I get the feeling it’ll be a much more impulsive and violent act. Uber to the bridge and adrenaline will finish the job. This bridge is right at the outlet to the ocean so I tell myself the chances are I’ll end up with my fishy friends. Who knows what those chances are, but it’ll be enough to give me comfort.
Incidentally I’ve read that jumping is an extremely rare way to go in the USA, something like 2%? In contrast, Hong Kong has a 52% jumping suicides. Its due to the prevalence of buildings of course but I’m sure there’s some cultural component involved too. I was born & raised in the USA so maybe I’m just, as with everything, an outlier.
Off a bridge isn’t much of an option where I’m at, because chances are you’d be hitting the dirt, or the water wouldn’t be that deep.
I can’t say I ever liked jumping as an option. We have a few buildings that might serve, but first you’ve got to get past building security then you need a key for the elevator. Plus, roof access usually requires an additional key.
I end up thinking about Hudsucker Proxy; “He jumped 49 floors, not counting the Mezzanine”
Or Ishtar “Hey, it takes alot of nerve to have nothing at your age, don’t you understand that? Most guys would say to hell with it! You say you’d rather have nothing than settle for less!”
Seriously, go watch those movies: Hudsucker Proxy and Ishtar, great movies to watch before you die.
I’d never heard of Hudscucker Proxy but I’m a fan of the Coen bros dark humor so I’ll def keep an eye out for that one. Ishtar has been on my watch list for a while. Ofc my watch list is sorta jammed at the moment… When depression takes hold I can’t focus on movies, books or even music. I tend to black out everything and withdraw into my own diseased mind which obsesses over my impending suicide and nothing else. Nice survival mechanism there eh?
Kayaking into the ocean (or one of the Great Lakes, since I live in that general area) is definitely one of my options, mostly because I love the sea and it’d be a nice final place to hang out. I have the basic (Open Water Diver) scuba-diving license so, you know, accidents happen, but that would require hauling all the heavy gear and driving my soon-to-be abandoned car to the site — so too many complications to bother with, I think. I’ve been debating (with myself) the drowning aspect too, ie, how long any discomfort might last until I loose consciousness. If I’m in the US, I can combine my “sailing into the sunset” with other, surer method(s), but that won’t be an option if I leave the US first, which is what I’d prefer.
Drowning terrifies me. Ironic huh, that I’d pick a bridge that leads straight to a watery grave? But I figure if the impact doesn’t kill me it’ll surely knock me senseless so I won’t notice my lungs filling up with water. Who can say.
“too many complications to bother with” – I feel that. There are so many elaborate ways to go, ways that would be relatively painless or without the mess, but it’s just like you said. I wouldn’t have the presence of mind, or the patience, to follow any plan other than making a beeline for death.
There have been suicides in the news that involve careful methodical planning and execution, and I’m always in awe of those people. One guy built a guillotine in his attic, it took him months. I wonder if maybe such elaborate means give the person some sort of payoff, like completing a great work of art. Or I wonder if maybe they’re just laser focused on a task, reducing their own death to a “to do list”. Again who can say.
How are you feeling about this, that someone has used your bridge?
I suppose I’m feeling encouraged and at the same time sad. I’m encouraged because it reminds me that it can be done. But I’m saddened because, well from where I’m sitting it just looks like a rotten ending. A couple news articles interviewed the family and it’s just really sad. And it puts things in perspective. I don’t have any real family (everyone went their separate ways and no one has spoken in years) but there are 1 or 2 people who might be broken up about my demise.
Sure every suicide should give us perspective on ourselves, but when it’s someone who goes by your exact chosen method, it makes you see how easily that could be you.