Been a while since I’ve come here and posted. Going on 10 years on this platform in some capacity. Some things have improved. Some have worsened. I’d like to think that my semblance of self is still there somewhere.
I was a teen when I started here. I’m more of a man now. Things for me aren’t bad, but I’m wondering about my mental state.
I go to therapy. It does help. I’m glad I finally went.
I think something is wrong with my brain. Maybe I just process things differently. I could well have the mentality of a young teen in certain aspects. I could have an underdeveloped brain. Could be on some point in the autism spectrum? Unless I get some kind of diagnosis proper, I don’t know.
I feel like I’m not doing enough. It’s never enough. So much stuff I want to do, places to go, people to meet, but I’m broke. Money, money, it’s always money…
I really hate the role that money plays into things, especially in the USA. I don’t need all that much to feel some level of joy in life, but this monetary pursuit is makibg me angry.
Sometimes I want to give someone a big hug. I want to help some of the people on the streets more. I just feel like things overall are going downhill in general, especially over here…
I’m not going to have kids, not anytime soon anyway, but I miss a lot of the innocence you had as a kid. Adulthood fucks you in some way. I’m just glad I have some kind of lodgings, a job, and am able to take care of bills and feed myself at this point. At some level of “stable” for the first time in so many years, now.
I do hope you crazies on here are stable atm too. I’m trying to be. I’ve known for a long time that I’m some level of crazy, so I’m right there with you. Thinking so much I turn back around into mindlessness. Hoping everyone else is doing okay to some degree.
If I could meet some of you in real life, no judgement, I’d hug you. At the very least, I can appreciate that there’s a mutual understanding there. Some kind of comraderie due to the situations at hand. Anyways, time for me to face my current reality again. Till we meet again.
T, the trulymindless1