Well I finally got my answer. I got accepted. Without funding. Meaning no go. I’m just happy to have an answer after all this time. Not the answer I wanted, but an answer. Now I got to find a job. For the next year anyway. I plan to apply to more PhD programs. I know I’m not qualified. For work or academics. I’m completely out of my depth. But I got to make it work. Because it’s what I want. Even though I know for a fact I’m not good enough. I am a little happy I won’t be seeing the people from the lab anytime soon. I love Irish goodbyes. Gives me an excuse not to say anything and not see people anymore. I might not even go back there (I intend to defer my application or re-apply. Whichever makes them reconsider giving me funding.). Unfortunately it just means I get to meet new people to disappoint. The PhD program was supposed to be a sure thing. Now I need to adapt. Hope I can. Hope I don’t piss off whoever has the misfortune of employing me.
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Heh, like my cybersecurity masters, only I’ll never get around to going back after that I’m relatively sure. I only went after it because I thought there was funding at that time with that school.
However, if this is the PhD that you ultimately want, that’s a horse of a different color. Dreams are worth chasing. Usually I think so anyway.
I do lots of things because they are there to be done, and for no other meaningful reason. I might go back to laying brick for a living….. that’s not something I’m going to go spend lots of money to do, but if it’s just waiting there to be done why not?
Consider that, short term while you are waiting; there might be something to do that doesn’t really matter at all, that doesn’t cost anything and provides a benefit, and that you can drop when something better comes along. Lots of jobs are like that.