I feel like NO ONE (or hardly anyone)
1- understands me (or cares)
2- believes the same things I do (politically, economically, socially, medically, etc)- or believes even half the stuff I do (ie NOT mainstream, NOT Left, NOT Right, NOT Libertarian, NOT Green)- there’s certain things I believe from each of those parties but certainly not most.
3- understands my depression (or cares)
What do you do when you feel like an alien amongst sheeple? Everyone thinks they are “awake” but they still blindly follow their “side” or their “guys.” No one picks apart each and every “thing” and analyzes that thing or issue by itself without being colored by left/right/green/etc.
I mean that’s JUST political/social/medical/economic thoughts- NOT even counting all the depression stuff. I just feel like a circle trying to fit in a peg/on a board full of squares. And the whole world are squares- minus the few “crackpots” that aren’t- and most of those ppl are nuts- like bigfoot/flat earth type ppl.
I’m atypical, skeptical, and logical. It bugs TF outta me that most ppl believe in things I deem are “false”- and no- I do not argue with ppl- no point. It’s just- how do we find others like us if we are “different”? I can’t even categorize my “different”- I’m just logical and sane and a realist that sees the world for what it is- tons of greed, corruption, deception and manipulation at the root.
3 comments
Yeah I might as well be the last human on earth because I don’t really have anything in common with anyone.
There are certain pockets of people whose goals I share and I’ve worked alongside those people once in a while, but just a superficial association. At the end of the day I can’t wait to drop the act.
Can’t say I’m lonely though. Painfully alone, yes, but I think that’s different from actually wanting company. I don’t want company. I just want to know that I’m not totally alone in the universe.
^ But the upside is I can fucking kill myself guilt free. Seriously that counts a lot.
I don’t know.
I hate politics honestly.
That being said, I try to be aware of it all since it affects me as a citizen.
1. I’m lucky enough to have the priviledge of having people who truly care, I’m the problem in relationships, unfortunately.
2. I really hate politics. Two party system is flawed when most people don’t neatly or mostly fit into one party or anyother. I’m not an anything, I just have certain beliefs. Would be nice if the US had other parties that could viably run.
I’m a mess in my own head and the more therapy I do, the more I realize that I’m a bit fucked in the head mentally, which is fun. I get to spend the next 10 years trying to rebuild my mindspace and physicality somehow, while being further behind socially than my own young nephews + nieces, because of my own brain.
3. Therapy is helping. I am putting things together from my past and present and am actually getting a more complete picture of myself for the first time in a long while. I do miss the younger, hopeful self I once was, but I’m trying to reconcile a lot of aspects of myself, and really start to get my shit together so that I can be more like my parents in terms of finances and goals, even though I fear I’ve given up on things like home ownership and starting a family in the mainland US.
I scream into the void. At least you people understand.